Running Commentary, Dancing On Ice: Week Eight

Props week!!! We’re starting with a Group Pro skate to It’s Raining Men, complete with brollys. Fred’s guns are as big as Austin’s and ooh, Daniel, steady with the hip thrusts, you’ll have someone’s eye out. Jayne manages to avoid the raindrops, Chris doesn’t.

Roxiel thought for a minute their prop was a fridge, lol, but no, it’s the chair and Chris is showing Roxy how to sex it up, which she’s not too confident with BUT - she sells it in the routine, Dontcha probably helped, brilliant - I loved it, her best yet. Oi, Philip, I said that first! Score: 21. Jayne looks amazing tonight. Roxy has a dig at Ruthie - calls her Karen - and why not! Ruthie really not impressed. Maray have the hat, which never helps anyone produce much of a routine - not a lot you can do with it. So it’s just as well Ray can skate and show off musically to Have You Met Miss Jones. A small stumble, I’m not sure they didn’t miss a lift slightly. Score: 26 I’d say a smidgen too high - and I didn’t notice his hat on the wrong way. Too busy watching arms and legs, me. Call me old fashioned…Philip’s hit the judges with a glittery hammer. Perhaps Brucie can borrow it off him.

Pavica skating to Rihanna’s Umbrella - you’ll never guess what their prop is … go on, have a guess. That’s right, it’s a pair of welly boots. I’m kidding, of course it’s an umbrella! Thoroughly enjoyed that, great attitude and set pieces with the prop. Score: 23.5 Colart have the yellow feather boa and she’s wearing a brown dress. No, really - it’s the latest Mouldy Banana look from the Spring collections. Pretty much the same routine as usual but wearing a yellow feather boa, couple of nice touches, a bigger lift than we’ve seen from them before. Score: 16.5 She is funny though - “If it were alive, I’d kill it and eat it.”

OMG - do they have to show Donal’s excruciatingly bruised leg right at the moment I help myself to a bowl of rhubarb and custard? Floral have the broom and are dancing to I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Bruise - ha ha - I’m so going to remember that for tomorrow’s post. Actually, I’ll probably forget, so I’m just jotting it down in my notebook. WOW! His best, my favourite of the night. Beautiful, beautiful partnership. What did I say last week? Go back and check it, go on. Score: 23. Again, Philip - get your own jokes! Charming, yes - that’s the word, Robin. Zomatt have canes and Matt is strangely alluring as a majorette. Alesha’s The Boy Does Nothing makes for an energetic performance, transferring the cane through the spins is pretty cool. Score: 25.5 - a six from Ruthie for the performance level, I’m not so sure re the actual skating and musicality.

We know no-one is safe, don’t we? There’ll be a lot of bitten fingernails backstage. Jason reckons there’s been a lot of missed propportunities *groans* come on, that’s worse than any of mine …maybe not. Safe and skating next week: Pavica! How relieved? Maray; Colart; back after the break, last one safe: Floral! Yes! But I feel for Zoe and Roxy - their best performances and they’re skating off, but it’s the business end of the contest now. Roxy definitely connected more with Dan, but will it be enough? Is Philip reading my mind tonight? I prefer Roxy, find Zoe a bit high maintenance but there’s always the chance Gethin will make a supportive appearance, so I can live with it. It’s 5-0 Zoe; at 3-0 Ruthie looked relieved she didn’t have a casting vote, controversy beckoned.

Will Coleen make it through again next week? Will Philip stop nicking my lines? Will Holly have dropped? Don’t send answers on postcards, just tune in next time to find out.