Sportsday

Athletics - and Hayley Yelling claims a shock win in the European Cross Country Championships! In Boxing, Lee Haskins claims the Commonwealth superflyweight title. Our disabled swimmers again took their place on the world stage, with an impressive 46 medals in the IPC World Short Course championships. The US won the Duel in the Pool - but our lad Michael Rock beat the legend-in-his-own-lifetime that is Michael Phelps! More Triathlon world champions for the media to ignore - Jodie Swallow and Julie Dibens. And a bronze for paralympian slalom skier, Sean Rose in the European cup, adding to the silver and two bronzes from last weekend.

Hint: Next

They shuffled or were dragged. Some fell and rotted; the better option.

Have yourselves a merry little Christmas ...

...and a happy New Year! And thank you for visiting my jottings - I know I've been a little less active on here recently (due to a certain dance show!) but I'm hoping to pick things up again in the new year. I do seem to have a bit of an issue sometimes accessing this particular blog, so there'll be a bit of a tidy up, moving the dance list over, compact the music vids all into a Blip.fm link maybe, something like that, to see if it helps. And I'm going to nab myself one of those 'how much have I written' widgets and make a proper start on my screenplay - if you see it not moving, feel free to nag! In the meantime, here's a heartfelt plea from the animals to spare a thought for them in this eco-threatened, global warming *glances out of the window: yep, snow's still there* world of ours!

Sports Personality of the Year?

Ryan Giggs? And he was surprised. When Jenson tootled up second I was convinced it was David Haye. I take it the whole of Manchester, sorry, obviously not just Manchester, had their phones on redial. Jessica Ennis took third, in front of a very supportive home crowd.


Yes, I know - Ryan's won everything (and been rightly recognised in the footballing world) - except a World Cup or European Championships - and that's my criteria I'm afraid. Number One (not number two and not a grand slam in sight) top of the tree, king of the whatevetver, you get my drift - in the World. I suppose we should be grateful that Alistair Brownlee and Chrissie Wellington at least warranted a mention.


And don't get me started on Team of the Year. Yes, we won the Ashes and Strauss is a fantastic captain. So what does that make Charlotte Edwards then? Retains the Ashes, wins the World Cup and the World 20/20 Series. Oh, hang on, a thought just struck me. They're women. And before you argue with me, look up the phrase "it's all relative". Likewise, until Capello actually wins something ... do Alistair and Chrissie have coaches? The rowers, swimmers, cyclists, sailors?? Just askin'. Seems to me the "experts" are all bloody obsessed with football; any excuse ...

But Tom Daley, Young Sports Personality of the Year, was a no-brainer. An emotional outpouring too for Phil Packer, recipient of the Helen Rollason Award and he's going to continue - keep up with his next challenges here.

Another fab show though. Sue, Gary and Jake for Strictly, I say!

The things they say ... or, how to make you feel old!

As usual, there's a question and answer session on the way home from school.

"Mum, tell me the names of two Man Utd captains."

"Er, Bryan Robson?"

"Someone I might know."

"Peter Schmeichel?"

*Tuts* "I said, someone in the modern era ..."

'Scuse me while I just pull over and park me zimmer frame.

Cutest Kitty Video Ever!

3bt: Observations

So if FIFA are retrospectively investigating the Thierry Henry handball that knocked out the Irish, will they be doing the same to Diego Maradona for the Hand of God moment in '86?

Our sailors who strayed into Iranian waters did so due to a mechanical failure - so when they were released and the news said they were being towed back into international waters, was I the only one thinking: "Well, hang on, it might happen again if they haven't fixed the boat!"

When the Sex Pistols burst into our lives in the late 70's, did anyone seriously think, 30 years later, that John Lydon would be appearing on the Culture Show?

BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2009

This is the list in full - the nominations that the final shortlist was taken from - links to the individuals making the final cut are on the right. More deserving but less high profile sports have been completely ignored - there's no way I'd have Andy Murray in there at the expense of Alistair Brownlee (who doesn't receive a single vote from the newspaper 'sport' journalists unlike Wayne Rooney. Wayne *&*^%& Rooney? You're having a laugh. Murray might have had his best year ever, but he still hasn't won a major title *rolls eyes*. And frankly, with all the Individual World Champions we have this year, why do we have a footballer in there who has only won domestic trophies? Pitiful when compared to Gemma Spofforth, Chrissie Wellington and Jo Jackson, not to mention the countless sailors, rowers etc. Yes to the England cricket team as Team of the Year for regaining the Ashes, no to Strauss individually - maybe it should be Claire Taylor from England's women - first woman named one of Wisden's Five Cricketers of the Year. But on the whole, I'd say the rest deserve their spot.

Jenson Button - Jessica Ennis - David Haye - Beth Tweddle - Tom Daley - Philips Idowu - Mark Cavendish - Andrew Strauss - Ryan Giggs - Andy Murray. That's pretty much my order - I hope they have a parade of all those missing though, let's at least try to show your average member of the public that Andy Murray isn't the pinnacle of British achievement.

3BT: Scenes we'd like to see ...

... lines you wouldn't find in the Bible.

The Lord had said unto Abram: "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you, where the women are easy and the booze is cheap."

The Pharisees and Sadducees came to Jesus and tested him by asking him to show them a sign from heaven. He obliged and showed them the one he'd nicked off the mens' toilet door, just before the club closed down.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened by the yoke of reality tv.

3BT: Best of Brits

The awesome voice of Miss Lisa Stansfield - Set Your Loving Free

Soulsista Corrine on lead for Swingout Sister - Butterfly

A Matt Bianco one I missed - Cha Cha Cuba - which sits nicely with my dance obsession!

Sportsday

Cricket - England take a one-nil lead in the series against South Africa; Golf - Lee Westwood wins the Dubai World Championship, thus ending the season as Numero Uno in Europe!

Cycling - Wendy Houvenhagel takes Individual Gold in Melbourne World Cup and a team silver; Silver for Team Pursuitists. Matt Crampton took the bronze in the Men's Sprint.

Boxing - Rendall Munroe retains his European super bantamweight title.

Wheelchair Tennis - Peter Norfolk becomes World Number One, after winning the Quad Singles at the Wheelchair Masters.

Skeleton Bob - Shelley Rudman wins Silver in the World Cup. Wish they'd make their minds up as to whether it's Bob Skeleton or Skeleton Bob. Bob Skeleton doesn't sound as good, but Skeleton Bob sounds like a Krusty the Clown sidekick.

Bowls- Paul Foster wins six World Tour titles, beating the record of fellow Scot, Alex Marshall.

Taekwondo - 18 year old Aaron Cook won the 80kg Gold at the World Taekwondo Tour Event, beating the reigning World Champion and triple Olympic medallist Steven Lopez! *Gets even more excited about 2012* 18 years old and already taking scalps like that!

Chrissie Wellington is the Sunday Times Sportswoman of the Year.

3BT: They say things come in threes ...

And how very right they are! I opened up my emails at work this morning to find I'd won a tenner in the Sports and Social draw! Lovely start to the day - then a lovely finish to the day at our department quiz night. Firstly, we had a Head and Tails game - you know, where they flip a coin and you either have your hands on your head or your bum - last one standing wins half the pot - and it was me! I had a game plan too - I went: heads heads tails heads tails tails - and it worked! And then my team only went and won the quiz itself - and the other half of the pot and, more importantly, a huge tub of Celebrations. Unfortunately, I won't be in the office again till Friday, by which time they'll all be gone. But that's probably a good thing. We're not sure how we won, having guessed at a very random selection of questions, but happily snatched that trophy back from the Post Room by two clear points! Awesome.

The things they say ...

Grandad was telling Matt not to wrestle.

"You'll get cauliflower ears."

"Will I get broccoli eyes and a carrot nose too?"

Sportsday

Major contender for the Sports Personality of the Year, David Haye, staked his claim by winning the WBA Heavyweight Championship of the World!

And the cyclists must be up for Team of the Year again, following this little haul at the World Cup: Ten Golds! With the paralympic cyclists following in their tracks at their World Championships! Golds for Fachie and Storey and Darren Kenny on Day 1, plus two silvers; Five Golds, three world records on Day 2 and three more Golds and a bronze on the final day! Awesome!

4BT: Music - Strictly Songtime

The Strictly Come Dancing Band do a sterling job every Saturday night, so I thought I'd take time out to showcase the singers, Lance, Hayley, Priscilla and Tommy, each of whom bring their own unique style to Strictly.

The band itself also have a new CD out, full of those wonderful songs from across the series, such as Hot Hot Hot, A Time for Us, Sing Sing Sing and Vehicle.

Lance - Don't Ever Leave Me Again - official website here.

Priscilla - Lift Him Up - check out the Prophecy album here.

Hayley's website has samples of the songs on her new album, Just Songs.

And you can hear Tommy here if you click to download the snapshot of his music PLUS - you can see him live at the 606 Club on 7th December!

Blog Catch Up!

Because, frankly - I'm forgettting where I am and what day it is! I'm glad I decided to go with a separate dance blog, my Jottings here would have been completely swamped! Anyhoo - as you may have noticed, Dance Dance Dance is updated everyday, as is The Daily Scatter. #twinterviews has been updated today - do visit if you are an aspiring writer or an old hand looking for some inspiration, as Sally Quilford is that proverbial veritable mine of information and ideas!

The Unreality TV blog I just haven't had a chance to do this week - and it hasn't updated itself over there in the list, I don't know why - last weekend I was so disgusted at Simon Cowell letting Rachel go instead of Lloyd, I think my subconscience decided I wasn't bothered enough to seek out the videos - I don't watch it live because of some other programme, whose name escapes me at the moment!

My co-conspirators at The Regenerate are diving in now, taking forward the 55 Flash Fiction Friday and I'm *gulps guiltily* trying to keep up with the What's on Guide. Look out also for the Exquisite Corpse story, coming shortly to this blog here and others near me *eek* I've promised to do it and I can't keep them waiting - they've assured me only a paragraph is required! Only a paragraph - stop sniggering ...

Why Babies Have Mothers ...

Two Favourite Things: Music and Sport

There's far too much info for me to copy, so here are the links to two terrific interviews with the Ivory Queen of Soul herself, Teena Marie, who is the subject of an American show 'Unsung' - which I'm hoping she'll have to hand on her website at some point; and cricket legend and former Strictly Come Dancing winner, Mark Ramprakash, who'll be taking part in the next Strictly tour. I got my tickets today!

4BT: Music - I'm sensing a theme ...

3BT: Scenes we'd like to see ...

Alternative opening lines from great books ...

Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much, and their swinging parties were considered to be the best in the neighbourhood.

When Mr. Bilbo Baggins if Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much muttering and eye rolling at what the old codger had in mind this time.

Lyra and her Daemon moved through the darkening hall, taking care to keep to one side, out of sight of the Britain's Got Talent judges, lest they were accidentally sent through to the final as the next Kate and Gin.

The things they say ...

... I'm dropping Matt off at a friend's birthday party and I gave him the piece of paper with the address on it.

He reads it out as we set off and then says: "Your hand writing's shocking. You wouldn't get a pen licence if you went to my school!"

Ah, that's why we adults use computers!

Sportsday

Boxing: Sheffield’s Ryan Rhodes new European Light Middleweight Champion.

Sailing: World Gold and Bronze for disabled sailors.

Daniel Keatings Bronze in World Gymnastics.

Bradley Smith is runner up in the World 125cc championship - why not follow him on Twitter - if you can keep up ...
And our paralympic swimmers have been sweeping all before them in the European Championships! Four Golds on the first day, more on the second day and the next and I could go on - after four days we were top of the table with 36 medals, 16 of them gold! Penultimate day and another 14 medals - I'm not sure they're going to get back through customs with this lot to declare! Here's the final day round up - 39 Golds puts us firmly on top!

3BT Music: Big Band Night

With the American Smooth on one side and the Big Band on the other, these are my picks for dancing and singing to:

Hint: The Bond

Mirror images gaze, unblinking. One smiles slyly; the other fears the loss of her life, of her own individual being. The confused child calls.

Wow, what a Sportsnight!

Jenson Button is Formula One World Champion! And I'm very relieved because I put the mockers on him - after I said on here how well he was doing, he didn't win another race *eek* and *phew* BUT it's all ok now - WOOHOO!

And he's not our only World Champion this weekend - gymnast Beth Tweddle has won the Gold in the Floor Exercises!

Our wheelchair basketball team have won European bronze.

Never underestimate the power of a great story!

The Ivory Queen of Soul coming to London?

I hope so! According to the Lady Tee's Twitter page, the legend that is Teena Marie herself will be playing the Indigo on Saturdy 30th January - and maybe more! I think a WOO-HOO is in order don't you! They don't seem to have actually released it officially yet *note to self: check it out* And if you don't already have it, Congo Square is the latest release.

In the meantime, let us take a moment to reflect on the jazzy, funky and soulful Ms Teena Marie. And check out the official Teena Marie TV site on Ning plus her official website. And you can access her myspace and facebook pages there too! Have fun x

3BT: Scene's We'd Like To See ...

... lines you wouldn't find in a Harry Potter book (2)

Voldemort lowered his wand, and, unexpectedly tenderly, said: "No, Harry - I am your father!"

"Wow, Minerva," panted Crabbe, surfacing from the quilt. "When you said you were going to teach me a lesson, you weren't joking."

Dobby and Winky's wedding was a marvellous affair - and her bump barely showed through the white lacy tea towel.

Sportsday

Don't let the football result get you down - remember, our women's team were runners up in the recent Women's 2009 Euro Championship and Phillips Idowu has been named European Athlete of the Year; Dario Franchitti has regained the IndyCar series; England's netball team scored an historic victory over Australia in the World Series! Success at the World Darts World Cup for Tony O'Shea, Karen Lawman & Lisa Ashton and Jamie Lewis. And triathlete Chrissie Wellington has won her third successive World Ironman Championship - she's never been beaten! Rio who?

3BT: Funky groove thangs ...

Everybody singing ...



Get your own ...



Nassau's gone funky ...

Logie Baird's Log

Och, I tried to keep quiet an' no let it get to me but I just dinnae get what these people’s problem is – the television is supposed tae be for fun and yet there’s all this fighting going on! I thought technology woulda moved on sufficiently since ma day – don’t they have this Sky + jobbie now , or jest an ordin’ry DVD recorder? Quite apart from that, X-Factor is repeated next day! Honestly, we do like tae make entertainment hard work!

3BT: Three Bobby Tinsley (see what I did there??)

The things they say ...

Matt caught a daddy-long-legs - by one leg ...

"Be careful," I said, "you'll pull it off, they're very fragile."

"It's a well known fact," he replies, like there was incontrovertible proof. "They never take their boots off."

????

Sportsnight

We won the Ashes again - the first Athletics Ashes v the Aussies, at Gateshead. Thought it was worth reporting!

In the boxing world, Matthew Macklin won the European Middleweight title.

David Weir breaks the course record to win the Wheelchair event at the Great North Run.

Great Britain's eventing team win their eighth successive European Team title, with Tina Cook also taking the Individual Gold and Piggy French (that's what it says on the website, who am I to argue!) winning the Silver. I've even double checked it.

British gymnastics looks to be in safe hands for a while yet - five Golds internationally for 13 year-old Jay Thompson - it's all relative, remember! And he was in the Under 16's category ...

Hint: Awakenings

The handsome young prince leaned eagerly across the sleeping princess ... recoiling in horror, he thought: They really expect me to kiss that old hag?

X-Factor: Best performer NOT to make it through ... criminal.

The poor lad must wonder what he has to do - Dominic Harris, who should have been put through to the live show two years ago, didn't even make it to Judges Homes this time. Chose a great song, made it his own, showing more maturity. Consider the crock of sh*t in the groups and the dodgy vocals of a couple of the lads and you wonder why they can't just have a top 24 regardless of age etc. Robbed.

3BT Music: Smooth Grooves

Leon Ware - Why I Came To California



Michael Wycoff - Looking Up To You



Lonnie Hill - Galveston Bay

Sportsday

Brits in medal haul at Para-Cycling World Road Championships.

Ten medals for the GB Deaflympics team in Taipei.

Victory for Brits in the overall ISAF series.

GB top the medal table in the Judo World Cup

Team Silver for Brits in European Dressage Championships, and individual Bronze.

Nick Dempsey, World Windsurfing Champion.

The things they say ...

Hubby's on the Wii playing table tennis against 'Dave'. "Funny," he says, "how there's always a 'Dave'."

"Looks more like a girl," pipes up Matt.

"Maybe it's Davina, " I quipped.

Matt rolls his eyes. "No - o, mum."

It struck us why him and The Hobbit take us seriously when we joke, but ask them to do something important and then they laugh. Still, with a bit of luck The Hobbit will be married off soon - he came home the other night with "Brad Loves Lauren" scrawled across his face in black ink. Shall I warn her? Nah, - don't want to scare her off, do I!

X-Factor Performances of the Night

Nicole Lawrence - club singer? Was going well with Take A Little Piece of My Heart until Simon stopped her, than began with an Ooh la la la la on If I Ain't Got You - surely they should be looking primarily for people who can actually sing? The vocal coach should take care of the rest (think Jodie on I'd Do Anything!)



And Dominic, again the doubts - but I felt he should've gone through two years ago - when you think of the one they put through who simply couldn't cut it live ...

3BT: Scene's We'd Like To See ...

... rejected first lines of great poems:

'Is there anybody there?' said the Traveller
'only, I can do you a nice new driveway - block paving - for under two grand.'

My heart aches and drowsy numbness pains;
remind me not to mix the vodka redbulls with the depth charges.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
It'll look fetching with me yellow knickers
Unless I remember the Tena Lady.

There simply aren't enough hours!

Especially when you're back to running The Hobbit everywhere again, because he can't get his lazy aris out of bed! The car is playing up and he started college, which wouldn't be so bad but then it's - oh, I need to pick something up from school first - and oh, work have called, they've got some extra hours for me. Still a lot cheaper than uni, I guess, so shouldn't complain - at least he's not bumming around the streets.

BUT, it has seriously cut down my writing time today and I had a ton of things I was going to address - it's now 1.30 and I've only just logged on, apart from a quick scan of my emails this morning.

So far from bringing another sports report (see, I'm trying to do it more often) I'm going to concentrate of just one major British sporting superstar that most of the country will probably never know of - he should be top of the list (that I will shortly be compiling) for Sports Personality of the Year. It is, of course, World Champion Triathlete Alistair Brownlee, who won the Grand Final this weekend in Australia, having won an incredible four out of the seven events en route to the overall title.

His younger brother Jonathan was runner up in the Junior Men's competition, and in the Women's U-23 Hollie Avil won with fellow Brits Jodie Stimpson and Vicky Holland finishing second and fourth respectively. Reigning Ladies champion, Helen Fielding secured a bronze, which saw her up to fifth overall this year. So, when anyone starts to moan about British sport, stun them with your knowledge of our triathletes, all of whom appear set to peak at London in 2012!

X-Factor Performances of the Night

The running commentary is updated on my Unreality TV blog and should appear over there <<<<<< some time soon. These were my top two: Shanna and Olly.

Hint: Little Things

Out of the stillness came the sounds, creeping ever closer: Clickety click. Clickety click. Buzz. Hiss. Until darkness descends; a blessed relief.



NB: For those unfamiliar with Hint fiction, here's a link to explain!

3BT: George Benson and Friends

with Carlos Santana - Breezin'



Is there anyone NOT in this one! Night In Tunisia



With Minnie Ripperton - sorry about the distracting numbers - but you don't need to watch, just listen ...Misty

Josephine Bonaparte's Journal, April 1796: Draft letter to her husband

Bonjour, my darling 'usband,

Remember me, do you? 'ere I was, awaiting your pleasure, when zey inform me that you 'ave sodded off to Italy and 'might be some time'!

When you said "Not tonight, Josephine" on our wedding night, I assumed ze old trouble was playin' up again after ze wedding breakfast - you really should see a doctor about your leetle problem - especially when we are out of air freshener; zen you fail to turn up again and I give you ze benefit of ze doubt, that you were tired from ze celebrations and we'd be at it like rabbits during an apocalypse tonight instead. But no, apparently you prefer to see the sights of Vienna; Malta; Egypt - I' 'ave some pretty fine mountains myself, monsieur, let me tell you - and why could I not have come, zat would 'ave been one 'ell of an 'oneymoon?

You just better bring me back somezing nice and keep your promise to make me an Empress, monsieur, or else.

Your loving wife,
Josephine xxxmwah mwahxxx

Sportsday

Cycling - Steve Peat wins World Downhill Mountain Bike title; Rebecca James wins two world titles and takes a silver in the World Junior Champs.

Bradley Smith picked up a podium place in the 125cc race, coming home third, after the two leading riders fell off on the final lap - then proceeded to play handbags at seven paces with each other ... well, we won't dwell on that - they're not ours!

Boxing - John Simpson retains his Commonwealth Featherweight title; Lucy Shuker wins the womens doubles at the Swiss Wheechair Tennis Open; Para- Dressage titles for Brit paralympians as they top the medal board; Medals for Paralympic Archers Dani Brown, Mel Clarke and Fred Stevens; European Bronze for the Women's Wheelchair Basketball;

Hockey - Britain's men claim victory over World and Olympic champions Germany to take the title in the inaugural EuroHockey Nations championship - and the womens team took bronze!

Rowing World Championships: A gold and four silvers, followed by silver and bronze on the final day to add to the two golds from Tom Aggar and the Mixed Coxed Four;

Sailing - Goodison defend Euro title; World Silver in the 470 class for Patience and Bithell; Euro Silver for Brotherton and Asquith in the 49ers.

X-Factor Performances of the Night

Lucie Jones - lovely tone



and Jade Fubara - effortless, reminded me of gospel

The things they say: Matt's Fishy Wishes

Meet the latest members of our family - Ayrton (the little silvery one) and Nigel - all being well, they'll be joined by Damon next week. Matt's ecstatic to be a 'daddy', which I'm not sure I shouldn't be a bit worried about?!

I was hit with twenty questions on the way to the pet shop, as he didn't trust me to get anything right: How big is the tank? How much does it hold? How often do you feed them? Which team do you like best, AC Milan or Inter Milan? Eh? What? Oh, I dunno, do I - neither.

"You have to choose!"

"Oh, right - er, AC."

"Oh, good, me too."

He doesn't stop talking you see, so the topics tend to jump about a bit!

3BT: Awesome Water Sports Shorts

Hilary Lister became the first female quadriplegic to sail solo around Britain; 17 year old Mike Parham is the youngest person to sail around the world single handed with assistance - I know, I couldn't undertand that either; it just means that he had to port occasionally for repairs and such like, but it was just him on the actual boat! And some of the bravest or maddest, depending on your viewpoint took part in the Bog Snorkelling World Championships!

X-Factor Performances of the Night

Jemma returns with Miss Fitz - I thought Simon made a mistake not putting her through to the live show two years ago - terrific vocal. Bit worried when they said they were doing Britney but have to admit this was fab!



And Jamie Archer - we're actually seeing some great peformances in this new format - it's certainly sorting out those who can do it in a live show and those that can't.

3BT: Scenes We'd Like To See

Unlikely concerts ...

Michael Jackson's Is He/Isn't He/Is That Really Really It? Tour.

Robert Mugabe Presents: The White Supremacists, backed by the Colonial Crooners.

The Dark Lord Cometh - Peter Mandelson's reflections on Nosferatu, arranged by Ozzy Osbourne.

World Athletic Championship Round Up

On top of the Gold medals for Philips Idowu and Jessica Ennis, Team GB won two silvers on the final day - Lisa Dobriskey in the 1500m and the Mens 4 x 400m Relay - to go with two bronzes, the Mens 4 x 100m Relay and Jennie Meadows in the 800m, which put us 8th in the medal table, for our best World Championships since 1999. Our team coach says it's encouraging, read the report here!

3BT: Music, film, dancing

Took Matt to see Ice Age3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (in 3D) - he loved it, so did I. Starts off a bit slowly, but suddenly it's heart in your mouth time as there's danger at every turn. Only, not really really bad obviously - it's a proper family film in every sense - and a very rewarding afternoon's entertainment, with just the cutest little cartoon animal you've ever seen (the whole cinema sighed a collective "Awwwww"). Go see!

Remember 'Everybody's Free' by Rozalla, circa 1992 - major dance track, yes. No - the lady herself has remixed it and this is a lovely cool jazzy version. Enjoy!

And in case you've been in bed all day with no radio or tv or anything - Strictly Come Dancing has released their full line up for Series Seh-VEN! It follows the official unveiling of the Dancing With the Stars line-up yesterday, which had more leaks than the Titanic (SCD wasn't much better) in fact, the only one that probably kept their final line up quiet was So You Think You Can Dance Canada (the US version still to come). Head on over to Dance Dance Dance for full details.

X-Factor: Performances of the Night

For a full running commentary, see my Unreality TV blog!

Just to prove I can take a joke ...

... hubby sent me this:

Summer Classes for Women at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETEDby Tuesday September 14, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVELOF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1: Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2: Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours? Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3: Is It Possible To Drive Past a Matalan Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5: Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginningat 7:00 PM

Class 6: How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program. Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7: Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8: Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMT - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9: I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10: How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim. Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11: Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 12: How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14: The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors (ie, husbands.)

3BT: Phillips; Joe or Michael? Dining table tennis.

Congratulations to our second athletics World Champion - Phillips Idowu, Triple Jump Champion!

I'm going for a curry with some of the mums from cricket on Friday - we thought, let's ask a mum we haven't seen awhile and Debbie tells one of the lads, Michael, to phone his mum and ask her if she wants to come, which he duly does.

Debbie received a call back a few days later, from Joe's mum, thanking her for the invite! Fortunately she couldn't come, cos it would have been a bit embarrassing really, since none of us have ever actually met Joe's mum - it's a shame we don't know Michael as well as we do his mum, we might have recognised it wasn't him ...

Following on from 'Celebrity Wiff Waff' on The Daily Scatter, Matt and I cleared the dinner table and set up the table tennis net, only it was suspended horizontally between the chairs on either side - it was an extra point if you could land the ball on the net.

Dancing With The Stars line up revealed ...

... over there on the Dance Dance Dance blog! I've probably harped on about it on Twitter and on the blog, but it warrants repeating - Donny Osmond is in it!

All Hail Jessica Ennis!

Our new World Champion heptathlete - she led the table from start to finish and finished in style with victory in the last event, the 800metres. Yayyy!!

Sports Day

Alistair Brownlee has won the London Hyde Park Triathlon, his fourth, putting him firmly at the top of the rankings and making him favourite for the title. Helen Jenkins took the bronze in the women's event.

Paula Radcliffe returned to competition with victory in the New York Half Marathon and will hot-foot it over to Berlin for the World Championships, but will wait before confirming her entry into the Marathon.

Canoeing - Campbell Walsh wins the World Cup meet in Bratislava, whilst our wrestlers decide to get it on the act too - I think the first and last time I mentioned them, the coach was hopeful they would begin to succeed!

Cycling - Mark Cavendish claims another victory, this time in Germany, whilst young Welsh rider, Rebecca James looks as though she'll be keeping Pendleton and Romero honest!

Our Quad Wheelchair Tennis team won the Team World Cup, with the women's team finishing second - on their debut in the competition! Paralympian swimmers set three new European records in the national championships.

I knew it; somehow, I've always known

The experts finally admit it - chocolate is good for you!

3BT: Hint; Regenerate;Shabby

I've written three pieces for Robert Swartwood's Hint competition - follow the link there for further details and examples of what you need to do and where to send it. I'll just check them over again and make a final decision - I actually wrote six, but they have to be original stories you're hinting at so I'm guessing this one I'll just use as an example for you!

Comfort Food

The witch woke up in a nightmare of her own making; she'd forgotten the chocolate. And those kids wouldnt get fat on their own.

See! Easy, yes? I might make it a regular feature, just for the fun of it it, along with the #blogtakeoverday!

The Regenerate has opened for business! It's very much a 'Work-in-Progress' as more features are added, but if you are a Medway artist, writer, photographer or view Medway in any creative way, please do get in touch because all submissions will be considered for publication on the blog, and subsequently, hopefully, in an actual magazine!

And yes, I've changed the background of this blog again - a friend of mine has a thing about buttons, you see - and then I came across this one on my travels, courtesy of Shabby Blogs! They even had a lovely pink blinkie that was perfect for Dance Dance Dance! Do check them out if you fancy a style and colour change.

Enzo's Pit Stop

I ama astounded - I doughta Michael was alla fita anda raring to go and now dey tell me 'e isa "indisposeda"! A stiffa neck? What isa alla databouta, huh? A stiffa neck? What is he, some kinda wimpa or what? I remember, back ina de daya, gearing up a for a race with my arma ina slinga and running a temperature of 104c - no stamina, dese prima donnas today! Dey need a stint as a mule shoer in de army, datta sorta de men froma de boys, you know whad I’m saying. Mr Baracca senior, he was impresseda wida my bravery and audacity - I'da never beena presented with de prancing horse for being a nancy, you know whad I mean?

And whadda dey doing widda my cars this year anyhows? I'msa gedding a little bitta annoyeda now wid Kimi, he's a Ferrari world champion for crying oudda loud - whassup wid' him? Apart from being a boring bastard, I mean? It wasa ok while 'e was a winning but maybe he a needa some ice shoved down 'is pantsa, huh? Whaddya dink? I'm offa to finda ice bucket ... Ciao, Bella! *Mwah*


For more info on #blogtakeover day, visit Quillers here!

The things they say ...

I'm going to have to ban Matt from watching telly - he's far too influenced by the adverts. How do I know this? We're walking along the high street, it's boiling hot and he says:

"I'm so hot I could keep fish alive under my armpits. Here, feel."

Er, thanks for the offer, but no. (And he keeps nicking his brother's "Line-X")

Bulwer Lytton Winners

The results of this years competition have been posted - I didn't win, nor even get a dishonourable mention *sob* which tells me I probably need to put more effort in, starting now, rather than attempting it the month before the closing date, an afflicton I'm suffering from greatly, since there simply aren't enough hours in the day.

This is the link for the results, have fun!

There's a chance I can re-write a couple for this competition instead - I can't stand waste! But I've less than two weeks: The Hint submissions are open till 15th August and linking here means I can submit three stories ... so I ought to crack on now! Failure in that of course, means they'll at least be freed up for possible use on the Scatter!

These were my entries for Bulwer (reading previous entries under the link will give you the idea; it's fun, have a go!)

1. Staring at her reflection in the grimy shed window, she raised the garden shears (a little blunt and exceedingly rusty but they’d have to do) and hacked away her golden locks; thinking of him - his satisfying, honeyed porridge; soft, comfy chair; warm, snug bed - hate washed over her and she shoved the amputated ringlets through his cat flap.

2. Laying the worms in a line, Charles neatly severed them in half, wondering how long it would take for them to regenerate - the butterfly’s wings had never grown back and the daddy longlegs hadn’t moved since he'd pulled the legs off - he was beginning to despair of his theory; thankfully, the publishing deal was signed and sealed.

3. His fingers crashed across the keyboard, until it became apparent that the SmartBridge Alerts, MSN Messenger pop up, McAfee Expiry message and the “This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down” warning had no intention of allowing him to logon in time to make a deal with the kidnappers.

4. He glances furtively to either side as he leaves his downtown office, buttoning up the grubby brown mac, which used to be beige he thinks, or maybe taupe, or was it actually a creamy colour - a present from Auntie Edna, if he remembers correctly, but wear and tear and dodgy curries had taken their toll.

5. Scarlett was a spoilt little bitch, who lifted her skirts for the boys and couldn’t give a damn if the washing up needed doing; she wasn’t doing it and that was that.

6. Frodo was idly checking through his diary when he clapped his hand to his head in despair; he’d forgotten Uncle Bilbo’s birthday.

Had to share ...Stevie Wonder and Tony Bennett

...found this yesterday for #musicmonday on Twitter, but felt it deserved to be seen here too!

World Swimming Championships

Have a read of Steve Parry’s review of our best ever World Championships, with Liam Tancock adding a fourth Gold in another world record – beating the time he set in the semi, Jo Jackson taking another silver, this time in the 800m Freestyle, and Fran Halsall grabbing the silver in the 100m Freestyle.

Another sportsday, tinged with sadness

We lost one of the nicest England managers today, as Sir Bobby Robson passed away at the age of 76. Having suffered from many forms of cancer of the past few years, Sir Bobby appeared at a charity match just last week, hoping he could help others suffering the same as he. In 1986, there are many who believe the World cup was ours for the taking - but for some dubious divine intervention! Close again in 1990, a World Cup would have cemented his reputation, after taking Ipswich Town to European glory. A gentleman manager; he will be sadly missed.

Swimming: Gemma Spofforth takes Gold in 100m backstroke in world record, Jo Jackson and Rebecca Adlington take Silver and Bronze in 400m Freestyle. The womens 200m Freestyle Relay team took Bronze.

Darts: Phil Taylor wins 10th World Matchplay title.

Sailing: GB pair pick up Silver in World Champs.

Shooting: GB women take Gold in European Championship.

Triathlon: Brownlee claims Silver in European championship, and tops rankings following another series win.

3BT Music: Sweet and smooth, just like Galaxy

Jimmy Cobb - So Nobody Else Can Hear - heard this on Jazzfm and had to find it again. I think I’ve got a copy in the loft.

Jerry Bell – Tell Me You’ll Stay - and I’d been frantically trying to remember this just the other day – whatd’yaknow – it was in the list with Jimmy Cobb! It’s also in the loft ...

Brenda Russell – In The Thick of It - like velvety creamy chocolaty velvet stuff ... yes, there's a copy in the loft. My loft is a gold mine. Hands up who remembers the Goldmine at Canvey? Ha ha - aren't you old?

Holiday Snaps!

We previously stayed at Old Hall Farm a few years ago, before owners Lucy and John converted their barns - and I've been trying to get booked in again ever since but they were always full! Finally managed it this year, so here's a snapshot of the week.

You could live more than comfortably in the cottage, it had everthing you needed - this was where hubby treated us to a full cooked brekkie - every morning we hadn't forgotten the eggs; 90p a half dozen from Archie's (John and Lucy's son) own hens. They had home made ice cream available too!

The Hobbit chills out in our lovely cottage. Adamant that he never had his feet on the table he was ...

The Play Barn: Scene of three memorable victories over Matt, seen here practising in vain to beat his mummy.

We found the local Indian Restaurant, hurrah! I'm holding a masterpiece of creation, my speciality, although they laugh at me: Take one poppadom, sprinkle with raitha sauce, add chopped tomato and onion, then drizzle with mango chutney. What's wrong with that?

Raffia elephants at the Africa Alive! experience near Lowestoft. No real ones, but rhinos and lions and the cutest otters you ever did see. Will figure out if I can get the bit of video on here of them - but don't hold your breath, it's taken me four days to load some photos ...

The putting green on Southwold sea front - you see now why I did so badly: Windy day + no hair clip = where's the flag?

This is The Old Dairy, where we actually stayed - look closely and you can see an imp hiding behind a big rubber ring!

If you check out the link at the top, you'll find a picture of the swimming pool, the main reason we wanted to go again - we had it to ourselves every time we wanted it. Even though it is hired out privately for a couple of hours a day, I can't recommend the Old Hall Cottages highly enough as a base for a lovely family holiday.

3BT: Holiday Fun

The amazing maize maze: Before we went, Matt told The Hobbit: "It's a bit like the Harry Potter maze. But without the death stuff. And the cup. And the magic."

I taught Matt how to play a torpedo game in the amusement arcade. Me, the expert - I won 4 tickets, he won 126.

We invented a new game 'Squennis'. In the astroturf playbarn, the five a side goals were put in the middle and the tennis balls were allowed off the wall, posts, crossbar, anywhere. I'm still quite bruised, actually.

Sportsday: Watersport triumphs, motorsport tragedy

Leading with Tom Daley of course, who won the Individual 10m Diving World Championship this week! Swimmer Kerry Payne wins 10km open water Gold, in the same World Champs.

A ‘first’ for rowing Brits and anything the men can do, so can the women in a second ‘first’! GB win the coxless fours in Lucerne and the lightweight women’s double sculls as GB win the World Cup for the third successive season! Woohoo!

Paul Goodison takes his third consecutive World Cup Win in the Laser class, following the brilliant team performance in Holland – *slaps wrist for leaving it too long again*.

Regrettably, I’m ending today’s sport on a sad note. I used to work at Buckmore Park Kart Circuit, as you might know from earlier posts and it was there about ten years ago I met the legendary John Surtees, the only man to win world championships on two and four wheels (the F1 championship in 1964) and his son Henry, who came along and began his karting career with us. During an accident in an F2 race this week Henry, only eighteen years old, tragically lost his life.

As anyone in motorsport knows, it can never be made truly risk-free, even with the advances that have been made – John was and probably still will be a huge supporter of motorsport at grass roots level and I and my family extend our sympathies to him and his family at this terribly sad time.

The Medway Mile

Counting down to the start of the Olympics in 2012, the third annual fun run takes place on Monday July 27th, the final event of a weekend full of cultural and sporting celebrations.

Open to all, the free fun run starts in front of Rochester Cathedral and wends its way through the streets of the town to finish at the Castle, in a change of venue due to re-development being carried out at the Black Lion Leisure centre, where the Medway Park centre of sporting excellence is being created to serve athletes in 2012.

Events begin at 4pm, with an elite race at 7pm, organised by Medway and Maidstone Athletic Club. Visit the link here to sign up!

3BT: Holiday Fun

Playing ‘Pictionary’ – I draw a horse in the building horses live in and the Hobbit says: “Horse hut!” Horse hut, I ask you – he got the hang of it eventually and we won.

Shot a personal best 61 on an 18 hole ... putting green. Tied with Matt. Who’s embarrassed? I’m not embarrassed – he plays a lot more than I do!

Sitting in one of those huge rubber rings in the swimming pool is so relaxing – specially post swim, at the side of the pool. I think I’ll design and patent an alternative to the deck chair; I could have quite happily stayed there all day.

3BT: Dance, uneven eyebrows, suicidal pigeon

You may have seen the new picture over there, that takes you through to a new blog Dance Dance Dance, reason being, the silly season is upon us (Strictly Come Dancing season!) and I know many of you aren't that fussed. Since I wanted to cover It Takes Two as well, I thought it'd be best to give it its own dedicated blog, so the running commentaries for both that and Dancing on Ice, plus any other dance news will appear over there.

Had to revisit the beauty salon - wish I'd never started waxing my eyebrows now. They're very fair, you see, so I've never bothered to pluck or anything before. But so far, two different girls have done them and both keep missing bits. And the end of my left eyebrow is much fairer than the right, so we've had to adjust. Bloody stupid idea. And it hurts. And can't stop having it done now, can I, unless I want to look like The Incredible Hulk.

Driving back from school and a pigeon decided to jump out in front of me, I swear it had a death wish. Matt was adamant I'd run it over but we couldn't see the remains of the jay walking pigeon behind us. My Dastardly and Mutley "Catch the pigion, catch the pigeon" impression was totally lost on Matt, he just gave me one of his "Er, yeah ..." looks via the rear-view mirror.