Bonjour, my darling 'usband,
Remember me, do you? 'ere I was, awaiting your pleasure, when zey inform me that you 'ave sodded off to Italy and 'might be some time'!
When you said "Not tonight, Josephine" on our wedding night, I assumed ze old trouble was playin' up again after ze wedding breakfast - you really should see a doctor about your leetle problem - especially when we are out of air freshener; zen you fail to turn up again and I give you ze benefit of ze doubt, that you were tired from ze celebrations and we'd be at it like rabbits during an apocalypse tonight instead. But no, apparently you prefer to see the sights of Vienna; Malta; Egypt - I' 'ave some pretty fine mountains myself, monsieur, let me tell you - and why could I not have come, zat would 'ave been one 'ell of an 'oneymoon?
You just better bring me back somezing nice and keep your promise to make me an Empress, monsieur, or else.
Your loving wife,
Josephine xxxmwah mwahxxx