A night in with Pam Ayres

I saw Pam Ayres live
And now my sides have split
At her anecdotal wonderings
She thought about and writ
I was happy sitting there
I’m not a poetry snob
But it’s a shame the bloke behind me
Kept poking me with his programme.
As far as the audience was concerned
I was the youngest there (probably!)
I’d looked after me teeth
And still had all my own hair.
We had the tale of the wonder bra
Some looked a little confused
When she started on the French Lessons
They looked even more bemused
I can be honest enough to say
It’s the best stand-up I’ve seen
Fair enough, I don’t get out much
But a funny, engaging routine.
Pam can be very naughty
I think I’m on her wavelength
But that man with his sodding programme
Dear God, please give me strength.

Schnitzler’s La Ronde

The second of the aCT now! plays at Chatham’s Central Theatre meant I was out and about enjoying myself twice within the space of two weeks. Shocking isn’t it - and I’ve now been banned for twenty years, much like this play was - because it was too dirty for the sensibilities of the 1900’s. I’ve been banned because They didn’t like having to make their own pancakes. I mean, how tricky is it to shake the bottle and pour a bit into a frying pan?

It’s hard to believe that a play whose sexual encounters consisted of a series of ----------- in the written form could cause such consternation. Back then, the sex scenes on stage were represented by the lowering of the curtain and playing classical music - playing it in a rhythm evocative of sexual intercourse …I can’t believe I’m writing this. Oh, hang on - it’s art, so it’s ok … Back then though, the entire theatre company were arrested on obscenity charges! Seems rather quaint by today’s standards, doesn’t it!

I wasn’t really getting it at first (maybe I should rephrase that?) What I mean is, it struck me like a round robin tournament - five actors playing eleven characters - everyone has a play with everyone, if you get my drift and there was no journey towards a solution. Which, of course, is why it’s called ‘The Round Dance’!

There was a ‘Talkback’ with the cast of theatre company Love&Madness at the end of the play, when they took us through the adaptation process and the whole getting-their-kit-off-in-every-scene made sense. Bringing the play back in these modern anything - goes time, director Neil Sheppeck had to find a way of presenting the sex scenes: Seduced by a tango lesson four years ago, he knew he’d struck gold when a friend suggested he listen to the Gotan Project. The problem was solved - no curtain required, the actors Tango! See, I thought I was going to a dance show; Strictly is ruined for me now.

I’m all for a bargain and The Cherry Orchard and Relatively Speaking (I’m going AWOL on 30th March for that) we covered in our scriptwriting course. Book three of the four aCT now! plays though and you get three for less than the price of two! So my third choice was La Ronde (featuring the Tango) or Oliver Twist (seen that, sung that, done the school play) which the company performed the night before. They rehearsed both plays at the same time, which made me think: What if a couple of the actors forgot where they were during Oliver? Could have added a whole new dimension to Sykes and Fagin’s relationship …

Question of the night to the actors, from TalkBack host, Nick Walker: How easy did you find slipping in and out of all the different characters? Only in Chatham …

Anton Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard - The Musical!

Now I’m pretty sure Chekhov never had Mary Hopkin in mind when he wrote this comic-tragedy/tragic-comedy, but you know, somehow it worked! This was a very different play to the one I expected, courtesy of the wonderfully talented Blackeyed Theatre and adapted by Bart Lee (see link for the tour dates). Chekhov, I thought, would not really be My Thing; much too high-brow. I’ve since changed my mind and will be visiting a library near me soon.

Pleasantly surprised at the pace and ingenuity, this opened my eyes to what could be achieved with just four actors playing over a dozen parts between them. Comedy and music combined for a thoroughly enjoyable evening, with none of the power and emotion of the original play lost - even with lines such as “Do I look fat in this?” which I doubt was in the original! Uttered by Dunyasha, the chambermaid, who, with the other servants are given much greater scope in this production, their new found voices and vaudeville pieces were a delight, particularly the song including “My mother wanted me to marry number six; but he had diseases and a mouldy …” cue uproarious laughter! From me, anyway. Oh, give over - from everyone. We were in Chatham, for goodness sake!

Drawn on many of the issues affecting Chekhov himself, growing up during Russia’s social upheaval, The Cherry Orchard was first performed in 1904. Director Constantin Stanislavski interpreted the play as a drama against Chekhov’s wishes - the writer subtitled his play ‘A Comedy in Four Acts.’ He’d have taken great pleasure from this interpretation.

I'd Do Anything: The Final

They’re all teary eyed before we begin! Phone lines open all ready? What’s that all about?

A carnival atmosphere for the past, present and future Nancys and Olivers ‘I’d Do Anything’, even Graham getting in on the act. I’m saying nothing about him wanting to be Nancy. You didn’t hear it from me.

I’ve supported Samantha the last couple of weeks - ‘Defying Gravity’ for me has been the showstopper. However, I’m shall strive to be impartial tonight. Cameron is perfectly clear what he wants: Showstopping...heartbreaking...heartwarming...everfizzincoolwalkingfasttalking...ah, ok, not those last bits really.

Jodie - ‘Son of a Preacher Man’. Bit too ‘Americanised’ for me but gives it everything and very likeable. John adores her.

Samantha - ‘Anyone Who Had a Heart’. Another strong vocal, I didn’t think she had it early on, but her confidence has grown throughout. I agree with Denise though, she needs emotional direction; this competition possibly came a touch too soon for her.

Jessie - ‘First time Ever I Saw Your Face’. So natural, effortless almost, didn’t seem to be long enough. Cameron: “I think Jessie was born to play Nancy!” Wow! Followed by Andrew: “The sacred flame of star quality.” John and Denise disagree - the panel are split. Again.

Graham introduces Bullseye the dog: That’s one ugly mutt. (My words, not Graham’s!)

Duets with the Olivers:

Laurence and Jodie ‘Getting to Know You’. Lovely stuff, really together. Good speech, she wants this the most out of the three. Being ten years older, it may be her last chance.

Harry and Samantha ‘Singing in the Rain’. Terrible song choice - no chance of the interaction we need to see. That could’ve just cost Samantha her place in the final, showed off neither her nor Harry. Her speech not as passionate as Jodie’s.

Jessie and Gwion ‘Truly Scrumptious’ The Gaelic/Celt connection working well. Brilliant. Her plea spoken from the heart. Cameron once again singles Jessie out, he’s desperate for her to win.

I do feel Sam was unfortunate there, she should have had a well known kids musical song; surely something like ‘Let’s Go Fly a Kite’ from Mary Poppins would have been better?

Trio: Maybe This Time - coaching by Liza Minnelli *whispers: I’m not a great fan of the legendary LM* But she’s been there, done it; they can’t fail to learn from her. They can give this some welly. Awesome. They deserve the standing ovation. A great final three.

The phone lines are closed!

Lee Mead drops in, between his own shows - we’ll never tire of him performing ‘Any Dream Will Do’. His choice is Jodie! That will probably get her more votes in the final section if she makes it through.

They’re bracing themselves - 1st through: Jessie! Yay.

3rd Place: Samantha! Reticent, not expecting to go this far. A fantastic future beckons. I thought Graham was going to cry then; John is! Andrew unsurprised. Her version of ‘As Long As He Needs Me’ is the best exit I’ve heard throughout. Somebody needs to bring Jodie down from the ceiling.

Final Results Show

All the Nancys are back; Samantha still looks thrilled to be a part of it.

‘As Long as He Needs Me’: Jodie: Intense, feisty, strong. Jessie: Vulnerable, more intensely passionate. She would have had my vote, had I been able to.

Former Nancys and Olivers: ‘Never Forget’. Funny, I’d forgotten the others. Oops, sorry! (didn’t think that quite came together).

Best solo performances: Jodie revisits ‘ I Have Nothing’. I normally find Jodie ‘safe’ however, I did just get goosebumps there. Jessie laments over ‘The Man That got Away’. Raw class, pure class. They closed the phone lines immediately she finished singing, that seems a little unfair.

The panel have to name their Nancy: John and Denise plump for Jodie - Barry and Andrew for Jessie. Cameron: “Jessie IS Nancy!”

They’re both going to go ‘Pop’ if Graham doesn’t get on with it!

JODIE!!! The Nation’s Nancy. But you get the impression Cameron and Andrew will be keeping Jessie closely involved somewhere! Maybe it’s time for Andrew to write a new musical!

‘As Long As He Needs Me’ - the complete version. Jodie gives an emotional performance and whilst her voice isn’t to my taste, she’ll do a great job I’m sure.

So, what’s next? Did I hear rumours about a Phantom?

I'd Do Anything Results Show, Week 9

Nancy and Olivers reprise: Food Glorious Food - I noticed Jessie’s interaction with the boys there for the first time.

The Task: Living in a hovel for the night, no mods cons, to put them in the mood for ‘speaking’ Nancy - As Long as he Needs Me, to Barry, who rated the girls thus: Jessie - heartfelt, convincing; Rachel - commanding leading lady quality; Jodie - emotional, not sure re the sense of courage; Samantha - initially disappointed then “here was an actress”. Rachel won his vote overall but then he said he couldn’t predict.

Group Song: ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ - Jessie stood out for me, a real presence on stage.

The Olivers: ‘Where is Love’. Very sweet, without any sickiness.

It’s coming close to decision time. The panels choice of who isn’t Nancy: John - Jessie (too young) Denise - Jessie (same reason) Barry and Cameron - Jodie (to boos from the audience).

I was fair tingling with excitement! No, really, I was.

Jodie - safe! She blubbed big time, like the wet weekend we’re having. Rachel - sing off! She knew, as soon as Graham said her name. John and Denise were clutching each others arms - desperate for Sam to be safe, probably, and not Jessie. Unlucky then you two, the public aren’t listening to you - Jessie is safely through. Both the panels choices of who isn’t Nancy - safe. Andrew’s worse case scenario was having to choose between Samantha and Rachel;neither Jodie nor maybe even Jessie would have been saved over either of these two. I’m shocked Samantha was in the sing off, the unknown solo song did her no favours - or are we seeing another ’She’ll be safe’ attitude from the audience who wanted to ensure Jessie made it through?

Memory: Samantha all the way for me. Beautiful tone, so clear - that on top of last weeks show song says Samantha should be Nancy. If she’d had this in the solo section, she wouldn’t be in the bottom two, I’m sure. Showed the vulnerability they were looking for earlier, stunning vocal and presence. Rachel looked and sounded desperate, even stealing a glance at Samantha towards the end. If Andrew had chosen Rachel I’ll have been gobsmacked. Rachel out - and Sam will have won more fans with that song, so don’t count on her being the first out next week. The connection issue showed most strongly, a real distinction between both girls - Sam held the gaze of the camera all the way through; Rachel looked above it at nowhere in particular, doing the eye thing again. She did the same with ‘As Long As He Needs Me’ - not the strongest I’ve heard of the girls to leave.

Now then - I have to trust my brother in law to tape the final for me to view at some godforsaken hour! Shocking, isn’t it, that I have a life and will be OUT next week. Another Gethin’s Girls Grand Gathering, no less: If we can find a TV we will watch en masse, but it’s likely we’ll cancel out each others votes, so ’Good Luck’ to Jessie, Jodie and Samantha and here’s to a wonderful final.

I'd Do Anything, Week 9

Cameron himself on the panel tonight - no pressure then, audience, but let's take note of what he’s looking for. Fascinating to hear them dissecting the girls around a table. What can we discern from the deliberations? Cameron presumably made it clear to them who he wants in the final, which should make choosing who to save a bit easier for Andrew. He said whoever is chosen has six months to mature into the role and he’d like rawness with potential - that suggests Samantha and Jessie to me.

Group song with the Olivers: Food Glorious Food. None (or all, depending on your viewpoint) stood out for me. It’s going to be a close night.

Rachel: Worries about connection - Denise a confirmed fan - Cameron needs to be impressed. He was with ‘Cabaret’ - her best performance so far. Standing ovation led by Andrew. Cameron wants her in the final, Andrew encourages the others though, he wants them to match it. It was a stunning performance. She put everything into it. And no hiccups vocally. Still did that funny thing with her eyes though - that’s the connection issue, she doesn’t seem to aim at the dancers or the audience, her eyes just don’t connect anywhere long enough.

Jessie: John isn’t a fan, she’s not feminine enough. Andrew says she has ‘Star Quality’ - Cameron moved by her singing ‘As Long As He Needs Me’ in Andrew’s sitting room. Proves to him she has ability, this is where I got the impression Cameron wants to realise her potential. She’s not there yet - Andrew’s also a fan.
‘What I Did for Love’ - Passionate, became a little aggressive, loved the end. She knows John is against her and she’s fighting her corner, which produced this little gem: “What can I do to excite you?” John: “That’s a question a lot of women have asked!” I think she has the loveliest voice - I hope all three finalists sing ‘As Long As Needs Me’ next week - I’d hate us to choose and then find the Nancy we kick out does it better, because that’s the main one, isn’t it? That’s the one we hear of when we think of Nancy singing.

Duo (1) Samantha and Jodie - Jesus Christ Superstar
Glitzy, full of energy - Sam takes it from Jodie there, vocally and dancing.

Olivers: The final three will be revealed, the mums’ll be in tears. From the little we heard they all sounded wonderful - my favourite is Harry, he looks and sings the part. Gwion, Laurence and Harry have it.

Samantha: Really grown, they reckon, though John unconvinced about vulnerability. Hasn’t moved Cameron yet. She takes on board everything though. ‘When you Believe’ - don’t think this song helped - needed a better known weepie. Still a very strong performance, fantastic vocal. John’s now a fan “Powerhouse performer” - Denise - "likeability factor, appeals to men and women, Nancy needs that." Barry, keen as always “A star” - Cameron - sure she’ll be here next week. Andrew agreed re the song - she’s got time to learn.

Jodie: Andrew “Should be a good Nancy but…” Cameron “Has it all but not all the time…” She needs more grit, less glitz. Barry can see her as Nancy. They’re in two minds, so am I. ‘Out Here On My Own’ - best since ‘Send In the Clowns’ - I agree with Cameron, that was the only performance previously that had moved me. Denise is almost in tears, it didn’t quite take me like that but the emotion was there. Worst comment of the night from Cameron, in the nicest possible way “Slightly matronly.” That she is who many people ‘see’ as Nancy will count against her with Cameron if he genuinely wants a 'different' Nancy.

Duo (2) Jessie and Rachel - Jessie’s going to have to go some, if she’s to secure the public vote to stay, after the panels comments. ‘Buenos Aires’ - Spirited performances but it really is too close to call tonight.

In fact, I can’t decide based just on tonight - my vote has gone to Jessie and Samantha because I’ve preferred them overall to Rachel and Jodie. And my impression of the discussions is that Cameron wants to keep them both, while he isn’t so fussed re Jodie and, apart from tonight, hasn’t really warmed to Rachel. He wants someone different for the role, someone with raw potential - Rachel is already too polished and set in the way she performs. But what do I know? He’ll probably mark her out as his choice later! Ultimately, he wants someone the public will pay to come and see - Rachel may win more votes tonight, but she's been in the bottom two, whereas the other three haven’t.

CD Review: The Most of Latin Groove - Various, Jazzfm records.

Since ‘the Jazz’ has shut down and moved to a 2hour slot on ClassicFM (midnight to 2.00am - Wow, thanks!) I’m now ironing to this litter of Latin lovelies (as it says on the box) 28 tracks of sheer unadulterated foot- tapping-scat-inducing-no-actual-ironing-being-done-too-busy-salsa-ing groovy tunefulness.

We’re treated to two offerings from Cal Tjader - the relentless pounding of percussion in overtime of ‘Shoshana’ and, featuring Willie Bobo and Mongo Santamaria, ‘Afro Blue’ - I defy you to keep still before transporting yourself to Rio with the infectious rhythm of Poncho Sanchez’s ‘Yumbambe‘.

If you’ve ever wondered what ‘Mas Que Nada’ means, Ella Fitzgerald kindly translates - forget football on the beach; think more a similar sounding cocktail! *Ahem* Meanwhile, George Benson, who some of you may only know via the likes of ‘In Your Eyes’, will have you shimmying without consent to Gershwin’s ‘Summertime’.

One of my all time favourite things, the dreamy and romantic samba of Seawind ‘He Loves You’ precedes Sergio Mendes, putting in an appearance with a hypnotic cha cha version of … ‘My Favourite Things’. Yes, THAT one!

And when you come to ‘Nature Boy’ by Alex Wilson, well, just put all thoughts of Nat King Cole back there - no, further back - there you go. Funky. Capital F. Following that, set your whistle to ‘Stun’ for Fourth World’s ‘Final Celebration’. You’ll know it when you hear it. Pompey fans will be singing it, hopefully not for another seven years like last time!

The ladies are represented on CD two with the sultry tones and funky ivory tickling of Latin diva Tania Maria on ‘No Ano Que Vem’; while you forget LA to New York and dream of Rio to Paradise, as Patsy Gallant sings ‘Te Caliente’ - without words!

Azymuth’s ‘Jazz Carnival’ was one of the first 12 inch vinyl records I bought - you see how I feel the need to explain what they are, showing my age - here we have an altogether different sound from them: ‘Tudo Due Voce Podia Ser’ featuring Nair Camdia, a smooth and gentle glide. Then you can salsa your butt off to the wonderful party song of Pete Escovedos ‘Cabo Frio’ - you’ll be ba-ba-ba-ing along before you can stop yourself. We end with another major artist from my youth, Bob Marley, being given the Merengada treatment on his ‘No Woman No Cry’. You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s Bob himself, the opening vocal retaining that Caribbean feel with pure South American rhythm.

If you loved Gethin and Camilla’s salsa music ‘Azucar’, you’ll love this CD. Real music, played from the heart and soul, you just can’t beat it. And an added bonus, I’ve now re-discovered on the internet not only Jazz Fm but Solar Radio too, a soul music station with a host of familiar names. (Possibly some of the original DJ’s when Horizon/Solar pirate stations were around) Definitely showing my age!

Full track listing:

CD1 -
1. Cal Tjader: Shoshana
2. Poncho Sanchez: Yumbambe
3. Snow boy & the Latin Section: Wild Spirit
4. Ella Fitzgerald: Mas Que Nada
5. Ray Barretto: La Cuna
6. Sarah Vaughan: Nothing Will Be As It Was
7. Duke Pearson and Flora Purim: Stormy
8. George Benson: Summertime
9. Seawind: He Loves You
10. Sergio Mendes: My Favourite Things
11. Paz feat. Frank Holder: Speak Low
12. Neos Original: Original Unlimited
13. Alex Wilson: Nature Boy
14. Fourth World: Final Celebration

CD2 -
1. Cal Tjader deat. Willie Bob & Mongo Santamaria: Afro Blue
2. Dom UM Ranao & Mr Hermano: Coisana 11
3. Tania maria: No Ano Que Vem
4. Pucho and the Latin Soul Brothers: Got Myself a Good Man
5. Patsy Gallant: Te Caliente
6. Ray Barretto and New World Spirit: Work Song
7. Azymuth feat. Nair Candia: Tudo Que Voce Podia Ser
8. Marcos Valle feat. Patricia Alvi: Cidade Aberto
9. Pete Escovedo: Cabo Frio
10. The Robin Jones Seven: Atlas
11. Quintetto X: The Jody Grind
12. The Subterraneans: A Night in Tunisia
13. Louis Berenius’ Coup E’tat: Last of the Aztecs
14. Merengada: No Woman No Cry

I'd Do Anything Results, Week 8.

‘Consider Yourself’ reprise: Showed the range across the girls, Sam lowest note through Jodie, Rachel, Jessie and Niamh at the top.

Comparing the Olivers: Looks: For that street urchin look I favour Chester, Arthur, Harry and Laurence. And during the song, I preferred the same four vocally! Which is handy.

The Comedy Mission: Phil Jupitus - funny guy and good West Ham lad. What was that show called again? ‘Life Coach’ ? May have to check that one out.

Jodie and Niamh strong in that challenge, though Phil is impressed with each of them. How to choose when it appears we need a combination of them all?

‘Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair’ - a wonderful collective number, every inch a team. And then they show the girls saying who they DON’T think is Nancy again. The Panel's verdict: John - Jessie, two weeks running; Denise and Barry - both Niamh, her age against her.

Samantha, safe and relieved; Jodie, safe and gobsmacked; Niamh - sing off and resigned; Jessie - safe and stunned! Come on girl, move along; Rachel, sing off and gutted. Both she and Niamh have been there before, Rachel the safe consistent one, Niamh with that ethereal quality. Left to the viewers, Niamh would be gone. Can she change Andrew’s mind singing one of his own compositions? He’s looking for vulnerability so she has an advantage over Rachel. ‘Another Suitcase in Another Hall’ Niamh’s type of song - it’s a shame she couldn’t do show songs all the way through. Beautiful sing off, strongest yet, which should be the case at this stage. Andrew’s in a quandary: Rachel it is. Niamh didn’t give in without a fight. Encouraging words for her, he wants to protect her voice for a couple of years. I’m shedding a tear, we’ve spent too many weeks in Niamh’s company and I really didn’t need to see her sister bawling; always guaranteed to set me off.

I'd Do Anything, Week 8

Consider Yourself: Sam showing strong again

Jodie: ‘Holding out for a Hero’. Didn’t do it for me, cruise ship vocal. Sorry, wanted to like her, truly did. And JB, what’s that all about? Two weeks ago she couldn’t be Nancy, this week she’s his perfect Nancy????

Rachel: ‘I Will Always Love You‘: It was going so well and then she verbally tripped on the stairs, picked it up again with a great finish. Good performance, although I dislike the way her eyes dart away as though she’s searching for lyrics written on the stair rail.

Samantha: ‘Defying Gravity’. A proper Musical song - I don’t know it but she delivered it as it should be, a professional show stopping performance. I’ve voted for the first and only time. And Andrew agrees with me about her being the best mover. Her vocal was much stronger that than I‘ve heard before.

Olivers: Jonny bags the final spot, have to say I liked Jordan - he’s very bubbly, I’m sure he’ll do well in the future too.

Jessie: ‘How Do I Live’. Good choice, beautifully sung. She has a lovely tone to her voice. An Irish tomboy Nancy - I don’t see why not, so I’ve voted for her too, because I don’t want to be annoyed if she goes out.

Niamh: ‘Don’t Speak’. LOL at the rugby. Still too poppy rather than feisty - I think maybe because they have to sing in ‘proper’ English, whereas pop songs are sung in that mid Atlantic drawl aren’t they. That’s why there are so many ropey performances on these shows.

So Sam and Jessie stoodout for me tonight, genuinely impressed with Sam and Jessie’s voice I love.

The Josephs and Nancys - 'Dancing in the Street' very enjoyable, again I felt Sam showed strongest there and Jodie. I am concerned there will be a wardrobe malfunction if they make them bop around like that in those necklines though - I think that was worrying Jessie.

From the other three, I don't believe Andrew will save Niamh again, he'll be looking to ensure the three left for the final can do the job; Jessie may be vulnerable too.

I'd Do Anything, Week 7

I often comment on the hostesses’ dresses - I’d just like to say how consistently smart Graham has looked every week - not a lot for a wardrobe mistress to play with really, which is a good thing, considering the recent DOI and SCD shows ...

All seem in fine voice for another go at ’It’s a Fine Life’ - it’s easier to compare now there’s fewer of them. Jessie sounds as though she’s been working hard on the accent.

Only two places left in the Oliver final!

The gloves definitely off this week: They made the girls choose who they DON’T think is Nancy - that’s hardly going to foster harmony is it?

Jessie - Niamh, more suited to pop; Niamh - Ashley, voice doesn’t fit; Ashley - Niamh, too young; Jodie - Niamh, too fragile; Sam - Rachel, too polished; Rachel - Sam, too poppy. (looking ahead to the ‘trio’ performances, they probably filmed this when they’d separated!)

They’re trying to show the different sides of Nancy tonight, so for Jessie, following the emotional performance last week, she’s a ‘Fighter’ tonight. She was excellent I thought, great song choice. And the panel are slating her - John and Denise and even Andrew - diction, song choice. Like I said ‘me and panels’. Although Barry and Andrew have both conceded what we all knew - Nancy could quite easily have been Irish. John “but the public expect a Cockney Nancy”. Well, no actually, I’d be quite happy if she’s Irish. The production wanted ‘different’ didn’t they? And you lot really want to make your bloody minds up - that was a raw performance. I’m annoyed I was out now - I can’t vote to try and save her.

Niamh: Just a touch in awe of Celine Dion (who they might have let dress for the group photo, for goodness sake!) “True Colours” Nice vocal, couple of wobbles, she’s a bit more animated which is good to see, makes her a lot more watchable - don’t think her voice will carry her through for a long run though. Andrew likes her, says she’s going places but maybe not just yet.

Ashley: “The funniest teacher ever” the children love her and they want to see maternal Nancy. “I say a Little Prayer for You”. Bit bland to begin with but picked up with the song - the ‘back seat driving’ section was fun, positive - have to agree with Denise re cabaret-stylee. Andrew almost verging on bitchy: “Run for the bus dear, you should take it!" (The Scots will have their phones on redial!)

Olivers: Back at ‘old’ school. Ugh, they’re having gruel - Oliver must have been REALLY hungry, according to Kwayedza! Lawrence is through: He plays both piano and trumpet, good lad! “You Give a Little Love” from Bugsy Malone, what a fantastic film that was and they seem to have suddenly grown up for that performance.

Samantha: ‘Survivor’ - difficult song, well sung. She has the most presence on stage for me, another great performance. Barry genuinely made me laugh: “It’s difficult to dance in high heels, trust me, I know from experience!”

Jodie: That’s the dog lovers’ vote secured. “If I Ain’t Got You” - emotional but also a little bit ’cabaret’, in my humble opinion, although I do still think vocally she’s a real contender. Not sure re the 'moving' - none of them apart from Samantha seem to be really comfortable.

Rachel: “You‘ve Got A Friend” - Hm, another easy listening song - not sure that will endear her to the public again. Nice performance, not overacted, good vocal - but doesn’t stand out one way or the other. She may be in trouble again but Andrew will probably save her. Or not - Andrew is in critical mood tonight!

The ‘Trio’ songs - Young v Old(er, slightly) girls.

Candy man: Niamh, Jessie, Sam - Really enjoyable although I felt Niamh was left behind by Sam and Jessie’s energy - we found ScattyJessie! It's been a good weekend for jazz influences.

Man, I feel Like a Woman: Ashley, Jodie and Rachel: Jodie and Ashley not the best of dancers, showed Rachel off better than her solo song.

Andrew non committal: What fun!

Top two for me then: Jessie and Sam. Bottom two - after last week I’m giving up predicting, we know no-one’s safe. Who would Andrew NOT save and why? Niamh, loves her but she’s not ready yet - Ashley, hated her tonight - Rachel, disappointed she didn’t take on board his advice from last week. Jodie - not sure she’d choreograph well - Jessie, not impressed this week (but I think last week would be taken into account) Sam he really enjoys, she’s probably feeling most secure - but what if she’s there with Jessie?

Stay tuned! Results are in ...The Special Assignment segment involved John B, a stunt man, a bottle and a punch - bet the girls enjoyed letting off steam. I wonder who they were thinking of - the panel are confusing the hell out of them with contrary comments each week. The boys chose Niamh to duet on ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’ - I thought Lawrence outshone her.

The panel’s verdict on who isn’t Nancy this week. Jessie (John, unimpressed with her acting) Ashley (Denise) Rachel (Barry).

The public vote: Samantha, safe; Jodie, safe; Rachel NOT safe, may be in the sing off; Jessie, safe; Niamh and Ashley brought stage front to join Rachel. Ashley - sing off; Rachel safe. So Niamh in the sing off. Lowest viewer vote - Ashley. Guess the Scots were too distracted by the footie.

‘Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina’ - I personally don’t see either of them as Nancy, completely different vocally, not sure who I preferred there. I’d expect him to choose Niamh and I’m right. I think Ashley has been one of the strongest actresses though.

Young Musician of the Year

I’ve never watched this before, but as a loyal ‘GG’ it’s my duty to listen to the narrator and the charter demands I will be watching this evening! So thanks Geth - I wouldn’t have heard these wonderful people if it wasn’t for you. Considering I’m a musical numpty, it was nice of the judges to choose my favourites to go through! Unfortunately, life demands my attention therefore I had to forego the actual programmes and check out the performances on I-player - so that’s me on a written warning from Lady Sparkling of Champagne Manor!

The Finalists

Strings - Jadran Duncomb, guitar. For me this is a jazz instrument so already I was biased. He was completely lost in his playing and I adored the ‘Tango en Skein’ piece. Just him on stage, wonderful, could have listened all night.

Woodwind: David Smith, flute. There’s something magical about a flute, reminds me of wood nymphs and faeries and enchanted forests. I’d enjoyed Melanie Rothman’s blues piece - but Zoom Tube blew me away - was not expecting that - Scattyflute! How cool is this lad, was that risky?

Brass: Peter Moore, trombone. Totally grabbed my attention with his first piece - Peaslee Arrows of time, 1st mvmt, Jazz Feeling - can’t think why! Piano wasn’t just accompanying - they were jammin’! Then I was lost in the second, swaying in front of the computer, waving candles.

Percussion: Jim Molyneux. I knew I’d enjoy this section! Specially David Elliott’s Charlie Parker piece - I didn’t know they had so much jazz in YMOTY! Daniel Day ‘Grooved it up’ - his own composition - I’m guessing there aren't many classical composers for percussion. Jim played two of his own also, one called simply ‘Hit Stuff’ - cracking title! Final piece - ‘Latin’ - awesome, loved it. I’m so biased! I actually clapped; my son called me weird.

Keyboard: Erdem Misirlioglu. No jazz here, more traditional compositions. What set him apart from the others? I’ve no idea, since I don’t know my Chopin Liszt’s from my Brahms and Liszt’s, but the others I found myself skipping through, whereas ‘Adagio’ I didn’t, it was beautiful. And he seemed to feel every note he played.

Now looking forward to the final of the Young (Jazz?) Musician of the Year!

TANGO: NUEVO

So, even though, with hubby away and no alarm clock screaming at me at 6am - why I am still awake early enough to write a review?

The brochure blurb probably did this show a disservice - we were expecting a dance fest, akin to ‘Simply Ballroom’ - instead it was a showcase for the five piece band, Tango Siempre, featuring dancing by four Latin American dancers who appeared in the trailers for Strictly Come Dancing some time ago. So after the dancers left the stage following their first dance, we’re thinking: isn’t it nice that the band carry on playing for us, whilst the dancers change for their next one?

Set as it was in the less than salubrious surroundings of Chatham’s Central Theatre (can somebody please take a broom to the stage, and how about a new back curtain while you’re at it, that one’s full of holes) it took a while to warm up. The tango, as you know, is moody and passionate; the Argentine Tango sultry - the atmosphere wasn’t helped by the dancers taking to the stage looking as though they were going to splutter into giggles any second - think the Roman soldiers in the infamous Biggus Dickus/Incontinentia Buttox ‘Life of Brian’ scene and you get my drift. Neither the pianist, Jonathan, who introduced the songs, nor the dancers themselves, let us in on the joke.

The realisation that the band weren’t there just to accompany the dancing gave fresh scope for enjoyment, particularly as Jonathan spoke to us more, telling the story behind his songs. ‘Grey Shoes’ was my favourite dance - a fiery affair with the two male dancers fighting over a lone female. A little confusing at the end, as the guys left the stage together, leaving her alone, but hey, each to their own!

The third dance was playful, the fourth fast and intricate, even with a wardrobe malfunction familiar to SCD watchers (heel caught in hem) and both dancing and music ventured into different territory after the interval; best song of the night for me was the Astor Piazolla/John Coltrane inspired ‘Giants Steps’ or ‘Big Feet’ Jonathan said it actually translated as!

It should have been an altogether more glamorous affair; with only the stalls occupied and the ‘set’ reminding me of a dusty old attic full of junk - the show itself lacked pizazz. I’d enjoy seeing it again I think, but perhaps in a more intimate, Latin club setting instead of a half empty suburban theatre. I’m sure the band would prefer that too, the wry smile between bassist and pianist early doors held a hint of: At least it pays the bills. An accomplished band of musicians fusing classical, tango and jazz and with a Latin Grammy nomination to their credit, they deserved better, maybe being booked under the banner of the upcoming Medway Fuse Festival would have been a wiser decision.

For further info on Tango Siempre, visit www.tangomusic.co.uk.

I’d Do Anything Results Show: What a Shocker!

Just pretend we don’t know what happened, while I run through it for you, looking for pointers as to why we lost quite possibly the strongest vocalist. (Aside from the fact that I didn’t vote!)

The Reprise - Who Will Buy? Samantha and Jessie sounding and moving with aplomb after the positive responses on their individual numbers. Flashback to the show and it’s all in the look - Andrew isn’t keen after Sarah’s performance whereas with Sam he can’t stop smiling and then with Jessie - rapture. Ashley would‘ve been gone right there. The curse of Barry Humphries? You don’t need scary music, frankly.

Down the East End, in the real Queen Vic with Babs Windsor and Denise - Jodie sounds the part, as does Jessie, very emotional; Ashley, surprisingly good. A pointer there, as Denise is concerned about Sarah’s acting - a strength in previous tasks.

Fings Ain’t What They Used To Be: Sam very strong, Jessie with renewed confidence in being herself.

Those cheeky Olivers, making the Nancys wait - they’ve chosen Sarah, a real boost which would make Andrew’s decision all the harder to accept. Good, fun performance together - I can see about her size though - she’s not much bigger than the boys - does she have the presence required?

The Sunset Boulevard song - group coaching. Andrew makes it even tougher for himself to choose when the time comes; his own song and expectations thereof.

The panel all disagree who shouldn’t be Nancy: John - Jodie (surprising) Denise - Sarah (second indication from her of shock to come) Barry - Ashley (predictable, Ashley now bracing herself).

Jodie, safe - isn’t she just the spit of her mum? Samantha, safe; Jessie, safe; Sarah - sing off! OMG - confirmation of Denise’s hints; Rachel, Ashley and Niamh brought forwards - two safe, one not - Niamh, safe; Ashley, convinced it’s her - SAFE! Rachel crushed, incredulous (the public don’t like that sort of attitude, Sarah gave a tiny hint of it at Barry’s comments after her performance.) Is this the dreaded sympathy vote - assuming the Sarahs are safe to vote for someone the panel have a down on? The public were almost caught out over Alesha in SCD, you’d think they’d have learned their lesson.

But what a shocker! The panel’s favourite, Rachel, lowest with the public (we’ve seen similar in SCD, of course, but it’s unusual). On this show, Andrew has definitely favoured Rachel, but will he save her? And I thought it was my imagination but there didn’t seem to be the same warmth between Andrew and Sarah as he had with the other girls during their session. He’s changed his mind on us before though and he seems to be struggling; I’ve got tears in my eyes - they both sang beautifully. He’s gone for who he feels will do a better overall job - he’s the master, who am I to argue? I do love Sarah’s voice; maybe it just wasn’t raw enough for the part of Nancy as they see it. That bubbliness they coached out of her possibly cost her the public affection - we like warm and bubbly, don’t we. She’s learned the hard way something Jessie had the chance to correct - staying true to yourself. In a closed audition, yes, adhere to the panel and judges but this was a public vote, so - how can I say this politely? I know, I shan’t bother - sod the panel!

And don’t blame your selection of Mr. Bojangles, Andrew - blame the fact that you coaxed great performances from all the girls, making it tough for the audience. If I’m completely truthful, none of the girls have yet convinced me they’re right for the part - I wonder, are the panel regretting any of their choices when whittling down to the final twelve?

Game on!

I'd Do Anything, Week 6

Big Band night - Yippee!

Andrew taking a hand in helping the girls this week, let’s see the difference. He’s telling us what to look out for and they know exactly what they have to do to impress him.

First up: Group song “Who will Buy” Sarah and Samantha sounding strong there.

Jodie: Luck be a Lady - a good performance, bit too controlled for me and there was one baaaad note there. Making nice comments about Andrew - can’t hurt can it? Graham said: “The anger management is kicking in!”

Sarah: Mr Bojangles - one of my fave songs - and ‘Hurrah’ a lovely dress for Sarah at last. She makes it sound so effortless. Didn’t know her surname was Lark - how very apt!

They both did as they were asked but then they have been very consistent.

Rachel: For Once in My Life - The rehearsal sounded a bit poppy, and ooh, look at him when he’s speaking to you!!! A mixture, some bits I loved - sounded beautiful - other bits sounded bland. The 'happy' performance they wanted though.

Samantha: Sway - Looking gorgeous, great dancing, the vocal suffered because of the exertion but very enjoyable - she could always do SCD if this doesn’t work out. Andrew’s so sweet - “Delicious but not rude!” Just like the GG’s!

Olivers: High School Musical, basketball routine. My seven year old is being forced to watch this at school at the moment - he must be only kid his age who hates it! Harry chosen. Have to say, they didn’t sound so great on that, a fair few dud notes tonight, lads.

Niamh: Rehearsal sounds good - this is her style - They Can’t Take That Away From Me. She hopes! Lovely vocal but needs a bit more flamboyance I think, especially in her facial expression, she’s so still.

Jessie: The Man Who Got Away - a Judy Garland song. Tough ask. ‘Be yourself’ good advice. Passionate, best so far, there’s something so different about her. If the kids hadn’t started fighting and I’d watched it live, I’d have voted for the first time. Andrew’s stunned: “Greatest performance I’ve ever seen a young girl give.” Wow! I think Jessie’s safe tonight.

Ashley: Hey Big Spender: This will need a big performance. Encouraging words from Andrew, giving her confidence. Not sure about this myself, again, some bits I liked, some I didn’t. I don’t think the dress helped. The least flattering out of an otherwise lovely wardrobe tonight, for a change.

It’s much tougher now - bottom two I think possibly Ashley and maybe Niamh again. Jessie the best for me, and Sarah I like too. Thought Sam’s overall performance was very good, but vocally I think she’s one of the weakest. A much better choice of songs this week. Apart from Jessie, I’m still not being blown away by any performances.

ALW takes a lot of stick - since watching this, I think he’s great. He nurtures and encourages and those girls all put in stronger performances tonight. You don’t have to be Mr.Nasty to get results!

I'd Do Anything, Week Five

Thankfully got rid of the menfolk upstairs, so I can watch in peace.
Pick a Pocket: Rachel (that’s a first for me) and Sarah looked and sounded the strongest there.

Niamh: On dodgy ground with ‘Valerie’ I think, it’s so distinctive. After a good couple of weeks, I wasn’t impressed by that, she seemed uncomfortable with the choreography and I’m with John on the diction.

Rachel: A complete about turn coming up from me - that was the best I’ve seen Rachel, thought she was brilliant. Shame about the maternity dress but you can’t have everything. Great vocal, a ‘real’ performance for me this week.

Jessie: One of Jessie’s best too, great acting and vocal. Forget the panel and stop worrying.

Sarah: Strong as always, LOL at the teapot. Sounds like a voice you expect to hear on stage.

Keisha: In two minds over her - the voice was cracking a bit, understandable with problems this week, so credit to her for what she did. Good performance, maybe could have rocked a bit more.

Ashley: Lovely, truly lovely, sounded quite different. Sorry John but you’re speaking b*llshi*t that was much better than recent efforts. Me and panels, what can you do? She showed more versatility, I thought.

Olivers: Baby Fight club - that looked a lot of fun. I wonder if any of them caught the stunt man for real? Hard Knock Life was brilliant. Alexander is through; he’s got a Mark Lester feel about him.

Samantha: Since You’ve Been Gone - wasn’t that Rainbow? Oh no, it’s the other one. Slow start - but she’s rockin’ it now, great attitude. Vocal not so good in the quieter moments but great in the ‘big’ bits. Enjoyable.

Jodie: My favourite Whitney song ‘I Have Nothing’. Held my attention throughout. Very, very strong.

Phew! It’s a toughie tonight, they nearly all upped their game. Strongest show overall this week. The judges are quite set aren’t they, once they decide something about someone, but I completely changed my tune about Rachel tonight - and Niamh didn’t impress as she had before. A topsy turvy week; we could see a shock, bottom two wise. Personally, least impressive but not bad performances: Niamh and Keisha. The others I enjoyed, again, still not just one standing out for me.

Results Show: Nancies Task this week - Sculling. We did that in Summer Games lessons, down at the River Lea and I loved it. Trouble is, you’re moving backwards and there’s a bend in the river, just along from the boat house. Still, there was no permanent damage to the boat. Or the bridge.
The girls were quite taken with the rowers - can’t say I blame them!

Good performances in ‘Sister are Doing it for Themselves’ - Keisha, Samantha, Sarah and Jessie.
Samantha -safe; Jessie - safe; Jodie and Rachel - safe; Keisha and Ashley -one safe, one not. Ashley - safe! “Yes!” She shouts. That’s’ the spirit! Sarah and Niamh - surely Sarah is through. Yes, of course she could be Nancy.
What d’you know - spot on with my prediction. Can’t see Andrew saving Keisha again, over Niamh. Ooh, I’m really glad I’m not him. “It’s A Travesty” not the right two. Not happy is he - Keisha’s gone. Only decision he could make really - she didn’t have the public or the panel’s support. BUT says he’ll do anything to help her in the business - good on you Andrew. But which two did he want to choose from then, that’s the question. Ashley presumably but who else? He’s seriously hacked off, he’s walked away before the credits have rolled. Can’t wait for next week!

I'd Do Anything, Week Four:

Opening song : ‘Consider Yourself’ - strong vocals from Francesca, Keisha, Sarah, Rachel, Jodie and Niamh, less strong from Samantha, Jessie and Ashley. Although Samantha acted the part well, whilst I thought Rachel overdid it as usual.

Looks like Barry’s dyed his hair afresh!

Jodie: Her face looks slimmer, although it could be the earrings - she’ll have neck ache wearing those too often. Feisty but poppy song which didn’t show off her vocal, consistent though.

Samantha: Let’s hope John’s coaching helps. Her best yet I’d say, a different Samantha. A little concerned at the start but improved and gave it everything. Raw - thanks Denise, that’s the word I was looking for.

Ashley: Oh God! Not a Whitney song, THAT Whitney song. Even Whitney sounds like she’s being strangled on that. Not looking forward to this at all. Strangled it is and she doesn’t move well. Bottom two unless others really screw up.

I’m agreeing with Andrew again!

Niamh: Understated yet powerful. Enjoyed that, and she’s looking less gothic too. Warming to her. No point winking at John though, Niamh - more chance with Barry, my dear, but would you want to stoop that low to get your big break?

Olivers: Am looking away now whilst they‘re abseiling! I do not like heights. I had to force myself to watch Gethin window cleaning Canary Wharf tower, on Blue Peter this week. Kwayedza’a through - excellent choice, I picked him out early on. Good job as always, boys.

Keisha: Come on girl - I need to hear something special to convince me now and ‘My Heart Will Go On’ is a good song choice. Lovely dress. A song in two halves - still didn’t convince until the end. I agree with John and Denise for once, Andrew spot on - there’s something there that needs coaxing out.

Jessie: Performance there, couple of wobbles but strong vocally overall, especially where she slowed it down. And I like the crooked smile too - gives character, like a scar.

Sarah: Oh yes! Very different from the original, made it her own totally. Yay for Sarah!

Francesca: Nice dress. Emotive, her most consistent performance yet. And agreed again with Denise - she needs a belter of a song.

Rachel: Vocally superb but I’ve nailed what it is that worries me: The manic looks into the camera like a mad-eyed stalking woman (and I know a few of those!!) If they’re ever casting for ‘Psycho - The Musical’ she’s a dead cert.

Ok, not even going to guess at what an ‘Andrew’ might involve.

Faves tonight: Sarah and Niamh Bottom two: Ashley and Keisha, which I think would crack Keisha, however, if she is there with Ashley, she’ll be saved again. And have to say again - who’s choosing the songs? Or is it the arrangement thereof? Still no-one giving a performance to blow me away - it needs to be on a par with Connie's Week Two performance of 'Shout'.

On the 'Other Side' it looks like it'll be a battle of young lads on 'Britain's Got Talent' with the two Charlies - a confident 10 year old jazz singer and 13 year old comedian impressing last night. But why do they have to show the really embarrassing ones? And why bother putting that woman who danced to 'Toxic' through? It's laughing AT, not WITH, and there's a big difference in the entertainment value far as I'm concerned. Give me a performer who brings me to tears for the right reasons, anytime.

Results Show:

Live West End Show - we really needed to hear the whole song to help us decide.
Viva Las Vegas - Sarah the only one who stood out for me - and I truly wrote that before they cut to Andrew who said word for word the exact same thing!

I’ll Be There - well done Kwayedza, our song writing R&B star of the future. Although, the arrangement there brings me back to my earlier comments re the song choices - are they deliberately arranged to be bland? Apart from a couple of performances, the uptempo songs seem to all use the same disco karaoke beat, which is why the girls are struggling to put in an outstanding performance. And the ballads are all very measured - they all sing the same way, there‘s no variation - I thought the production was looking for an Amy Winehouse?

Anyway, here we go again: Keisha looks ready to cry. Rachel, safe; Sarah, safe; Samantha and Niamh, safe; Keisha??? Cruel. Jodie, safe; Jessie, safe. We’re left with the three predicted by the GG’s collectively - Ashley, Francesca, Keisha - SAFE! I’m pleased for her - can they please give her free reign to interpret a song next week - ‘Somebody Else’s Guy’ or ‘I Live For Your love’, something she can emote with.

Bye Ashley? Least fave with the viewers too. Whistle Down the Wind, written by Mr. A Lloyd-Webber. I preferred Francesca, warmer in tone, more emotive. Oh dear, Andrew’s clasping his head. That bad, or more difficult than he thought? He’s going for Ashley - credit to the main man for deferring to his subordinates who are there in person. Bit unfair to call Francesca a professional though - no more so than Lee Mead. Powerful to the end, although I think the pitching problem would always be evident. Ashley is going to have to prove to Andrew next week she really can cut it.

I'd Do Anything: Week Three

I can’t help noting the lovely atmosphere on this show, so good natured. The Nancies are all in good voice for ‘It’s a Fine Life’, Niamh very strong, Samantha possibly the weakest. Andrew reiterating how unhappy he was to lose Cleo last week. Show songs night! Yay!

Rachel: Dreadful dress, she looks like a Jif lemon the morning after Shrove Tuesday. She really isn’t doing it for me at all, not a great vocal, though it picked up towards the end.

Sarah: Stunning! Blew Rachel off the stage, great performance. Vocally wonderful, more presence. Aw, even at age 9 she was great.

Denise??? Good, John’s shaking his head. Barry’s talking *yawns* Oh, apart from that - well said - Oh, shut up, strange man.

Francesca: Some tuning issues but a spirited performance.

Keisha: Great timing - I dunno what it is though, it didn’t sound as musical as it should. Best dress so far.

Thank you Andrew - I’m pleased to be agreeing with him more than the others.

Olivers: Loving the jazz hands in football training! And I love that they justify why they’d choose a particular Nancy. I wonder if they get told what to say? I hope not. Teamwork, brilliant. They’re such a highlight of the show.

Ashley: Wish she’d stand a bit more elegantly. Stronger vocally at the end. Andrew has a point; I think taking away her jazz hands robbed her of a bit of personality.

Jodie: Commanding performance. Really put herself in contention with that. I was thinking a definite ‘no’ before.

Niamh: Ooh, just one bad note, right at the start there, but really picked it up, lovely. Downbeat ending though, would have liked to hear it sung out a bit stronger. Gorgeous dress.

Jessie: Wow - brilliant! What a vocal, great presence. That’s my fave tonight. Shocking dress though.

Tara: No, please not that Deniece Williams song! She did better with it than I thought. Didn’t set the stage alight though - that choice could really cost her.

Samantha: Lovely dress. Mike a bit too close I think. Strong vocal but is just lacking something I can’t quite put my finger on.

Agree with John re both. And we don’t do excuses!

Tops for me tonight: Jessie, Jodie and Sarah. Perm any two from these three for the bottom: Rachel, Tara, Samantha.

I caught the end of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’. I think we’ve just seen the winner - 13 year old Andrew Johnston. I had to stand around the corner, because the men folk in my house laugh at me when I cry at something on the telly.

Results Show:
Graham really seems to enjoy himself. Mm, Ben looks nice, I’m hoping to see ‘Hairspray’ soon. Their dads watching them snog? That’s cruel! LOL, get in there, girls! No-one stood out for me on the ‘Hairspray’ song regrettably. Arthur loves fashion, bless, at least we can’t blame the wardrobe mistress on that one. They should have these boys release a Xmas album, surely!

Keisha, ooh, nasty, first one straight into the sing off, she thought she was safe. Poor thing; ecstasy to despair in a nano second. I wondered if they mixed it up a bit like that. Sarah and Jodie safe. Francesca safe. Rachel and Jessie; both safe. Tara knows she’s a goner if she’s in the bottom two, you can see it in her expression. Niamh safe, Ashley safe. Depends on the song but I think Andrew will save Keisha again. She’s bottom with the public 2nd week running though, I doubt she’ll get saved a third time. ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’ excellent choice. Lovely tone but Keisha unconvincing, lost confidence. This could be tougher for Andrew than he thought. Tara singing lovely, nothing to lose. I prefer Tara on this - soon as he said ‘8 times a week’ though, we all knew. If only she’d sung like that on her solo songs, it might have been different. Ooh, a bit of Welsh - I understood Diolch!

I'd Do Anything ...

I've not watched any of the previous ones of these (Maria/Joseph) but I loved this! How civilised are those auditions - that David bloke is a sweetie isn't he?
Thought the Olivers were terrific and they’ve a tough job whittling down to just twelve out of a very talented bunch of Nancys.
It made such a refreshing change from the Xfactor audtitions - not a big fan but caught it occasionally and made me cringe. They showed a few that couldn't sing tonight, but they didn't linger or embarrass them.
I don’t recall the names of many but there were a couple of Olivers that stood out for me. And of the Nancys, first impressions were Eastenders Nancy and Cleopatra and the ‘young Shirley Bassey'. Looking forward to hearing them again next week.

Book Review: ‘Pretty Maids All In A Row' by Christopher Golden

“Into each generation a Slayer is born. One girl, in all the world, a Chosen One".

One of our favourite characters from the popular TV series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Spike is the most bloodthirsty, vicious, nasty vampire. Nevertheless, he has a great British sense of very black humour. And you know you shouldn't like him but you can't help yourself. He's pretty unique amongst the demons in the Buffy series: he doesn't want the end of the world. Rather, he likes being here; ".. .it's got Manchester United and 'Love Boat'... " and ".. .billions of people, walking around like Happy Meals with legs..." In BTVS of course, he becomes a trusted ally of the Slayer, thanks initially to a computer chip lodged in his head by a secret government agency, which prevents him from harming humans, then subsequently, painfully, regaining his soul to prove to Buffy how much he loves her.

In 1940 however, there are two battles being fought on the Home Front - "Pretty Maids..." brings Spike to us long before his dabbles with the Scooby Gang, when his sole purpose for existing is to please his sire, Drusilla, who turned him into a vampire and became the love of his (after)life. With her eightieth re-birthday fast approaching, he pledges to procure the perfect gift for her - Freya's Strand, a necklace so magical it provides the wearer the means to shape shift at will. And in order to own it, Spike deals with an ice demon called Skrymir, who wants nothing less than - you've guessed it - world domination. To achieve this, Skrymir needs to be rid of the bane of his life, the Watchers Council. The Council exists to train and watch over the current Slayer and all the potential slayers - Skrymir and Spike's plan is a simple one: Spike kills all the potentials before killing the current Chosen One, so Skrymir can attack the Watchers Council; Skrymir will then give him Freya's Strand.

Could this be the end of the Chosen One - of all of the Chosen ones - forever? Since we know the TV series is an ongoing phenomenon, it's a pretty high premise. However, this is essentially a story of Spike and Dru and is a great vehicle to show them off in all their fiendish glory!

Christopher Golden is a very talented author; this is one of his many novels based on the BTVS series, written either singly or in conjunction with other authors - check out 'The Lost Slayer' and 'Monster Island' (with Thomas E. Sniegoski). Here, he captures the essence of the series without the familiar scenery and slang that are so integral to the TV show. Setting the attack on the Watchers Council in wartime London at the time of the blitz and sending the vampires hunting across the killing fields of Europe is a masterstroke. Spike and Dru as both heroes and villains is an unlikely and bizarre scenario. Considering the gory, destructive mission they are on, how can you possibly root for them? Is it Spike's fit of patriotism when torpedoed by a U-Boat, perhaps?

Prepare to be shocked; Golden doesn't flinch from portraying graphically what monsters the vampires are - but he does it so eloquently, your heart will be racing along with the prose.

Theatre Review - One Man Star Wars Trilogy

This is the first thing I ever had published - Grapevine Magazine last year.

One Man Star Wars Trilogy, written and performed by Charles Ross

It sounded impossible: How could one man play all the characters, sing the music, fight the battles and fly all those space ships? Somehow though, Canadian Charles Ross did it. He squeezed the original trilogy into little over an hour, bringing hilarity to an iconic series not previously thought of as comedy.

The show is endorsed by LucasFilm; apparently, they were so impressed, they hired Mr Ross to travel around promoting ‘Revenge of the Sith’. I had a good feeling about it the moment a stand-up comic came on stage to warm us up. He baulked when he saw how many children were in the audience (methinks he had to change a lot of his act quite quickly!) It was only 7.30pm but it must have surprised them to see how the next generation have taken the whole saga to heart, not just the latest trilogy.

You need to know the films in order to follow the action unfolding on stage, it simply wouldn’t make sense otherwise. My six-year loved it and we older ones appreciated the gentle send-ups of Luke’s whiny teenage attitude, and how a man cupping his hands over his ears could so effortlessly become Princess Leia!

I can’t begin to describe how he impersonated many characters, you really did have to be there. Suffice to say, I shan’t be able to watch the films again without chuckling at Admiral Akbar (cover your eyes with your palms outward and yell “It’s a trap!”) or Jabba’s death scene, where two arms perfectly captured that huge mouth and foul, slimy tongue!

End