Otto the Octopus

I'm trying to make something up for The Daily Scatter, but frankly, I don't think I can better the truth!

Otto the Octopus Wreaks Havoc

The Pot Noodle Disaster

Matt prefers a Pot Noodle to a sandwich - if they’re good enough for my hero Roger Black, they’re good enough for the boy - and as he gets older he wants to do things for himself, which is understandable. So he’s put the kettle on, taken the sauce sachet out, fork at the ready and tells me he knows what he’s doing. I didn’t exactly leave him to it but by the time I wandered back in the kitchen after hearing the click of the kettle, he’d already filled up the pot. So far so good you’d think, but he suffered this strange affliction that befell my friend when we were on holiday one year - she was watching the bottom of the wine bottle rather than the top of the wine glass and her cup runneth over somewhat - all over the table and us; red wine too! Hence my kitchen worktop had Pot Noodle for lunch instead of Matt. This after he’d already knocked half of it into the cutlery drawer when pulling the lid off. I’m not sure who was more unhappy, me at all the clearing up or him because he had to settle for a marmite sarnie.

And the beat goes on ...and on ...and on ...

The Whispers can be played five times driving home from the football club - and I know this, because it’s Matt’s current favourite song and as soon as we’re in the car it’s “put number seven on, mum, number seven , go on. ” And again. And again. When I finally clear my singles out of the loft, there’s a fair chance that particular one will find itself launched over the back fence. Note the big budget video - it really isn’t a home video filmed in the local school hall, honest.

Best Finalists Ever on X-Factor?

I have to watch the repeat on Sundays - although I’m not a religious follower of it, generally finding the finalists are never as good as their auditions promise - I was blown away with the strength of the girls’ performances this weekend.

No surprise to see two boys at the bottom - and I don’t think Scott should have gone - if his mentor had been a bit more positive he may have escaped: When Louis said Scott's song was too ‘old’ for him , why didn’t Simon come back with the fact that Buble and Cullum are making a very good living from singing these ‘old’ songs? Not that it matters - I can’t see any of the boys beating those five girls - best singers by far I’ve ever seen on this programme. Showed what they can do when given some decent songs.

The Things They Say

Matt was watching CBBC today, a kind of reality programme, where a teacher went to live on a pupil’s farm for the weekend. Undergoing various challenges, the final one would involve - so Matt tells me - something to do with Dr. Who or - sheep hurdling! Now that I’d pay to see.

Running Commentary: SCD Week Six

Paso Doble versus Viennese Waltz - couldn’t have two more contrasting dances. Love the style of Tess’ dress - just wish it wasn‘t grey. Almost another stair-rail moment - Tom nearly missed it! Didn’t recognise Cherie. And it’s not often I dislike something but Kristina’s dress is horrid. Like a design of mine when I was a kid and drawing princesses. The rest of the Paso dresses are fabulous.

Lisa and Brendan - I‘ve seen a group Pro Paso somewhere to Eye of the Tiger - can’t say I was keen then. Lovely choreography from Brendan, a good effort but missing something, power? Len: A great job; Bruno: Belonged more in Vogue than in a bullring; Craig: Arms sometimes lacked purpose; Arlene: Open the spine and work through the chest (I’ve been thinking that from the start - she’s trying to make herself smaller) Judges score: 29 That could put them quite low on the leader board tonight.

Andrew and Ola dancing the VW to Annie’s Song - one of the choices on the SCD Music choices thread I mentioned - bless, he’s got survivors guilt. They’re building a nice partnership; at least Andrew is living and breathing it. Needs to smile more - a slight stumble - well recovered - I’ve seen worse. Well done, definite improvement. Len: You have mastered ‘Bum-gate’, really good job; Bruno: Your stock is definitely rising; Craig; Faking swing …a good effort; Arlene: So sweet, a definite improvement. Judges score: 24 will be in the lower echelons but he’s had worse and got through.

Christine and Matt: Bruce puts us in the Spanish mood - she’s from the ‘Juan’ show! How will Christine stop from smiling all through? Another ’Music Choices’ song - Fighter. And Christine did need a bit more passion to be fair - great routine by Matt but a couple of stumbles. She didn’t smile though - I thought facially she got it spot on, but the rest of her was too gentle. Arlene: it did not work; Len: Dance didn’t suit your personality; Bruno: It was so floppy; Craig: Sometimes rag doll-ish, sometimes plank-ish (I didn’t think it was that bad) Judges score: 22 - a 3 from Craig ???? Way too harsh. Christine: How do I get angry? Just think of Craig, love, that should do it. Will be very close to, if not, bottom.

Austin and Erin in VW training and what’s with the lacky band? Gorgeous frock for Erin, gorgeous song too - Send in the Clowns. But I wasn’t enraptured - he didn’t smile and I thought he was a bit stiff so I was a little bit disappointed. Bruno: The Return of the King; Craig: All the character of a VW, Just wished you had smiled once… flat and cold (Thank you, Craig) Arlene: Sentimental, romantic: Len: You came back stronger … I loved it. Gorgeous. I think Bruno also said something about a connection between them - I didn’t see it and my mind wandered). Judges score: 34 top of the board so far.

Cherie and James - I am so looking forward to their Paso since hearing a clip of the music. Cherie looks amazing - what a shame about the opening stumble. Good but I was expecting to be blown away and I wasn’t - it lacked that power again. Think back to Letitia and Gethin last year and they way they attacked theirs - you’ll see what I mean. Craig: Fantastic shaping from the arms; Arlene: Wish you could do it all again with fire in your belly; Len: You’ll never dance badly…didn’t attack it. Still a very good performance; Bruno: Performance wasn‘t up to the standard of the actress (I have to agree - technically very good, but just lacking that drama, so were Lisa and Christine) Judges Score: 31 Should be safe …

Heather and Brian dancing a VW to Vision of Love - good choice. Come on Heather! A stunning vision in fuschia. A lovely start, great performance, smiley and relaxed - the midweek singing has made a huge difference. Great partnership - you go girl! Arlene: You’ve found your home, this dance suits you; Len: You maintained your posture …well done; Bruno: We do like a fighter …you were connected; Craig: Oh dear - pedestrian…jagged …flat footed (the others all shouted him down) Judges Score: 27 Middle of the board danger zone possibly, deserves to go straight through on that performance.

Mark and Hayley - Bruce is shimmying, somebody stop him - A brave attempt at a Paso for mild Mark - great start, looked the part but once they got moving he couldn’t carry it off. He gave it a go. The judges will crucify. Bruno: A painful shambles; Craig: A stick insect on acid; Arlene: You did one step in time; Len: The shapings were good. Judges score: 16 - really should be in the dance off tonight, worst so far by a mile.

Tom and Camilla - coming off a week of little training. Almost a wardrobe malfunction for Camilla - she cleared something off her foot just in time. 'I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You’ - no prizes for guessing who this is dedicated to. I think their was a footwork problem but it was a beautiful performance - Camilla is queen of the VW - and I loved loved loved the end sequence. Craig: You were stepping outside Camilla …gorgeous; Arlene: Beautiful, a whisper away from being perfect; Len: I didn’t like it too much …reverse turns all on your balls; Bruno: technical mistakes covered up by the assurance …I was charmed. Judges Score: 32 Should be ok, second on the board at the moment.

John and Kristina - Paso Doble - now this I can’t wait to see! No more Mr Nice Guy - LOL. Did he just swat a fly away? Got to hand it to Kristina, the right music, the audience eating out of their hands, and, whilst the stamping/marching was source of amusement, it actually seemed stronger than the others. Len: Demoted to private ; Bruno: Dad’s Army dance the Paso; Craig: Took marching to a whole new level; Arlene: Kept in time, kept head erect. Judges score: 21 Like it matters - we know he‘s safe!

Rachel and Vincent dancing the VW to ‘Everybody Hurts’ - yet another suggestion from the Music Choices lot. Loved Vincent’s choreography at the start and finish. Very sweet and romantic. Arlene: Wistful, charming; Len: Pretty …liked it but it was flat; Bruno: Graceful, elegant, simple but effective; Craig: (Vincent) choreographed a lovely waltz. Judges score: 32 joint second, should be safe.

Jodie and Ian, liking the look of their Paso training - if they get the music right… Woohoo! Oh yes - my favourite Paso of the night, even with a couple of wobbles, she gave it some of the fight that was missing from the others and it made it more exciting. Bruno: A Paso rougho! (what?) Craig: (some insults) …I found it quite exciting (thank you) Arlene: It didn’t really work for me; Len: It was competent not the best, not the worst for you (They’re never happy are they?) Judges score: 26 They’re all taking the mickey out of Len’s ‘Se-VEN) tonight. I hope they’re safe.

What? You expect me to predict after that lot? You’re on your own. I’ve been out so I couldn’t vote - I would have thrown one each to Tom, Heather and Jodie. I think the top four will be safe and so will John - but that’s about it!

Since the Results show has come and gone before I even began to think about typing this up, here they are:

No surprises in the backstage judges comments. Ooh - a Roger Black appearance, always appreciated; he liked Lisa and Brendan best (but I bet he voted for Camilla too!) Talking of Camilla - she doesn’t want remarks like that from Len again, so Tom will find The Honeymoon is definitely over! Have to agree with Len - the VW’s outdid the Paso’s tonight. The Jersey Boys sang ‘Oh, What a Night’ - can’t say I was struck with the vocals but the latin pro dance (James/Ola, Lilia/Darren, Karen/Matt, Kristina/Brian ) was brilliant. A quick chat with siblings - close your eyes and Lisa’s sisters could be her - and didn’t Rachel’s brothers used to be in Eastenders? Mambo Madness - Brian and Kristina, it was mad alright - so much going on - they’re great dancers but that seemed a little thrown together. Great song though - Michael Buble . Enrique Iglesias up next with Vincent and Flavia, Darren and Lilia dancing Rumba to ’Hero’ - thought I was watching the wrong show for a minute, looked like death spirals at the end!

Here we got then: Safety first! Heather and Brian - Yay! Rachel and Vincent - John and Kristina - Austin and Erin - Tom and Camilla - Christine and Jodie are convinced they’re in the dance off - Cherie and James - Lisa and Brendan - Christine and Jodie even more convinced now - but there they are, their lights are out. Andrew and Mark to fight it out. It’s bye bye Mark unless Andrew fouls it up. Good advice (and sporting analogies) from Len. A bit of a stumble from Andrew but he’s smiling and more relaxed. Mark and Hayley had a big moment - after the band had one or did I imagine it? They seemed to almost stop and then Mark lost it completely.

Craig: Andrew/Ola; Arlene: Andrew/Ola; Bruno:Andrew/Ola. No need for Len again - but he agreed this week. Bruce just called Hayley ‘Kristina’ and Tess told Mark he’d disappointed her - *covers face with embarrassment for them* uncovers eyes quickly as Mark strips his top off. Ooh, yes - lift him up so we get a good look, that’s right *Ahem*

Apparently there will be eight different dances on show next week - it’s going to be luck of the draw - John should be back to ballroom so will probably do well - I pity anyone with the jive, always tricky, never highly scored and I think it’ll be even closer.

Sportsnight and Scripting

Athletics: Shaunna Thompson followed up her 100m Gold with victory in the 200m in another championship record performance in the Commonwealth Youth Games.

Squash: Vicky Botwright was runner up in the World Open Squash Championship final in her last match before retirement.

Last night’s course saw us splitting into groups - to plot an episode of acclaimed U.S. sitcom ‘Friends’, no less. We decided on the first scene and the four of us in my group are each going to write a version - it’ll be interesting to see how similar - or not - we are. I did end up using ‘Friends’ (you’d think amongst all the dvd’s we've got as a family there’d be something else, wouldn't you?) as the homework set the previous week - to appraise an episode of a sitcom ie. how many scenes, plot strands, characters etc. It’s a measure of how funny it is, that even after watching it three times, I was still laughing out loud at every line - and it was almost every line. But then, they did have up to sixteen scriptwriters!

3BT: Rant, write, relax

I’m Medway Blogger again this week - and it’s a proper rant this time. Damn stupid walking people. Click on the page numbers at the top and enter 13.

Yesterday’s course went well - I slightly misunderstood the home work and gave away my whole plot, not once, but twice: My first re-writes! At least the course is continuing, did I tell you that? I remember telling you I didn’t like the journey home along the M2 from the other (Thursday night) course - there was an accident in the same spot the lorry nearly blew me into the road works, so I came back along the A2 all the way last week - much more civilised and only an extra ten minutes.

I’m having a lovely time on the Music Choices thread on the Beeb Strictly Forum - lots of lovely like minded people, introducing me to the delights of the Gotan Project.
It’s great fun - we’ve given the band their whole repertoire for at least the next two series. :)

The Results Show: SCD Week Five

Behind the scenes we go - but the best action is out front: Katherine Jenkins, Darcy Bussell, a bloke called Gary (sorry, didn’t catch the surname but he was very good!) Anton and Erin, Cam and Ian - ballroom ballet to opera - it was beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. Back to the celebs and another top quote from John: “If the British public don’t save us, I shall lose my faith in democracy.”

It’s Paso Doble (yippee, my fav) or Viennese Waltz next week so we’re treated to a powerful Paso from the pros (although, not a fan of dancing to rock music). Next up and it’s the effervescent Alesha and her new single - out come some of the pros jiving, then a small section with Alesha showing she’s still got it, ending up in Matthew’s arms.

The Moment of Truth: Safe - Lisa and Brendan; Cherie and James; Jodie and Ian; Rachel and Vincent; Tom and Camilla; Austin and Erin; John and Kristina; Mark and Hayley (did I say how much she reminded me of Christina Aguilera?) Christine and Matthew; Andrew and Ola.

So it’s poor Heather again in the dance off, this time with Don. They’ve both been there before so they know what they have to do. So glad not to be a judge - not much to choose between them. Craig - Heather and Brian; Arlene - Heather and Brian; Bruno - Heather and Brian; saves Len having to cast a decider again. Len, for the second week running, would’ve saved the other person - not Heather! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Lilia so upset, bless her.

Had to laugh at the CIN trailer afterwards - Anton, looking surprisingly good as a woman!

Running Commentary: SCD Week Five

They’re talking it up! Boys and girls together at last. Why don‘t they make the bodices of Tess’ dresses higher, looks like they’re forever needing to be hitched up. The rest of the ladies dresses look really pretty tonight. Bruce seems genuinely excited, he’s moving things along - were they having to pad the previous shows a bit?

Rachel and Vincent take to the floor for a samba to Hips Don’t Lie and bring the fun they were having in training. The first time I’ve got into one of Rachel’s dances - the music makes all the difference I guess. Good job, the only bit I didn’t like was that draggy bit across the floor and there could have been less standing and wiggling. Len: Came out and did a fantastic job; Bruno: Always clean and efficient, surprised at slip; Craig: Placement through the routine very good …under whelmed by performance; Arlene: I want to see you firing. (See, what do I know?) Judges score 30 - could be close in the middle of the pack tonight.

Lisa and Brendan - feeling the pressure in training - just as I was warming to her, the waterworks start appearing. Lovely song for their AS and lovely musicality - what was she worried about? Strange second lift, understated, a couple of wobbles but pretty good I thought. Len: Fabulous performance … your best to date; Bruno: From goofy and gangly to glamorous …incredible; Craig: Couple of stumbles but absolutely fantastic; Arlene: You’ve found your dance. Judges score 35.

Heather and Brian - please, please have a good samba song - yes! No idea what it is but it sounds traditional. Tell me, why did they not put her in yellow to match Brian? The dress is nice but more cocktail than carnival and it’s distracting from a nice performance since you only notice Brian. Footwork needs attention but plenty of rhythm and bounce. Craig: Lifeless, lacklustre; Arlene: At different parties …wild and sassy at the end; Len: Thinking about the steps …think about the performance; Bruno: Took a little bit of time to get into it. Judges score 23. Think they were a bit harsh, actually. In danger again.

Cherie and James - can they maintain standards with the AS? Interesting song choice - what were they thinking? Great musicality but I was expecting 'Putting on the Ritz’ or some such, so I’m left feeling a bit disappointed. Awesome last lift - but I’d prefer more swing in an AS - I’m not overly keen on lifts, they interrupt the dancing. Swirls around a la Fred and Ginger, yes. Awkward stand stock still lifts, no. Arlene: You deliver on every level; Len: I loved it…fantastic…fabulous…beautiful; Bruno: Right on the money; Craig: Not dynamic enough (I have to agree with Craig on this one, much I love James and Cherie) Judges score 34, should be safe.

Mark and Hayley: See through shirt alert!!! See through shirt alert!!! John Barrowman on hand to help out, the wiggles look good in training. Come on Mark, spice up my life. He’s shimmying, he’s shimmying - still needs to stand up straight and bounce more, not technically too good but at least he’s enjoying himself. It’s actually some kind of string vest he’s wearing - LOL at Bruce: Where were you swimming when you got caught in that net? He’s on good form tonight Bruce, most of it’s been funny! Bruno: Released from the shackles of inhibition; Craig: Isolation …body popping was very good; Arlene: The performance was vital …forgot to dance; Len: When you’re tall, you’ve got to dance to your height. (I think I just agreed with Len!) Judges score 17 - bottom. Tess thanked Mark for wearing that top on behalf of women everywhere!

Don and Lilia dancing the AS to Barry Manilow’s ’Can’t Smile Without You’ which was my favourite … when I was little. Nice lift, it's another low key song though, very smooth but didn’t seem to be feeling it. Craig: An adequate job…a good job; Arlene: You must let the dance in; Len: I didn’t mind it at all, a very competent performance; Bruno: A bit off tonight unusually …shame. Judges score 25 Not a bad score but defo in the middle - the worst place to be at this stage of the competition, when the less technically proficient have a bigger fan base.

Austin and Erin samba - this’ll be interesting, Erin is a ballroom specialist and my main concern for Austin is that the latin dances may not be as strong. I’ve got a niece called Ellie-Mae - my little boy calls her LMA, after a play station game! Hark at Will Greenwood - LOL - I take it he’ll dong the show next year then! Well choreographed by Erin but don’t think Austin was on the money technically tonight - what are those backward wiggly walky things called - he just didn’t do them at all. And not exactly a carnival song either - more night club. So the atmosphere was missing for me. Arlene: Muscles not helping tonight …hip movement fabulous; Len: Whole thing very very good; Bruno: You missed an opportunity tonight …stopped you delivering; Craig: Not strictly a samba but I loved it. Judges score 32. Great score, they’re relieved.

Andrew and Ola AS - nice first lift but wrong song choice again, although this has at least got a swing feel to it. Lift a bit awry at the end but not a bad effort overall, I didn’t think. Pleasant. Bruno: You got to get your bum together; Craig: Not enough showbiz; Arlene: Stand straight, pull up; Len: You had a gallant effort ..it didn’t work. Judges score 17. Ola being very supportive, Andrew says “We’ll have another go later”

Christine and Matt sounding positive for their samba. Looking great and … ooh, Matthew Cutler, stop with those hips, goodness *fans face*. Couple of moments uncertainty for Christine but great musicality, a good effort. Worth 7’s I’d say. Len: You did a great job; Bruno: You have that (carefree joy) in spades; Craig: Recovery and finish excellent; Arlene: Your smile lights up the floor. Judges score 30. The middle of the board is looking tight and quite high scores at that.

Jodie and Ian. Fighting talk - I like it! Bit concerned about the side of her dress though and that floppy bit is going to be annoying. Spectacular start and gorgeous song choice - Witchcraft, proper song and feel, she looks so much more confident, I’m smiling all the way through, best so far. (The flappy bit fell off - didn’t I tell you it’d be trouble!) Craig: You completely held your own; Arlene: You are the dark horse of this comeptition; Len: Absolutely your best dance, beautiful hold; Bruno: That was a dream. Judges score 30 - hm, bit under marked and now lumped in with all those other ones in the middle.

John and Kristina, first latin dance and he’s loving the Brazilian troupe in training! Lacking technically, no bounce but he’ll be safe, I swear it. Arlene: Seen more fun at a party conference; Len: If I was at home, I’d be voting for you; Bruno: Carnival on valium; Craig: Absolutely dreadful …tip toe through the tulips???!!! Judges score 16. John: “I know the GBP will save us” Priceless. But it can only take him so far, already some peoples perception of how that sounded were not favourable.

My heart’s thudding and I’m all red faced as Tom and Camilla take to the floor - this leader board is up for grabs. And oh yes - proper Hollywood, Chicago the song, the attitude - even Tom’s hair and expression is pure Gene Kelly, loving the culottes dress Cam is wearing. Lovely first lift, last one a little bit unsteady - you can tell his mind is all over the place, to be fair, so all credit for putting on the stylish show he did. I loved it. Bruno: Slick, stylish, sophisticated; Craig: Full of charm and confidence, I loved it; Arlene: Hallelujah …going into orbit, gorgeous; Len: Goal to beat Austin …done it tonight. Judges score 35 - joint top.

In case you’re unsure, I voted for Tom and Camilla! And my congratulations to Tom and fiance Claire, have a wonderful day today.