Hint: Awakenings

The handsome young prince leaned eagerly across the sleeping princess ... recoiling in horror, he thought: They really expect me to kiss that old hag?

X-Factor: Best performer NOT to make it through ... criminal.

The poor lad must wonder what he has to do - Dominic Harris, who should have been put through to the live show two years ago, didn't even make it to Judges Homes this time. Chose a great song, made it his own, showing more maturity. Consider the crock of sh*t in the groups and the dodgy vocals of a couple of the lads and you wonder why they can't just have a top 24 regardless of age etc. Robbed.

3BT Music: Smooth Grooves

Leon Ware - Why I Came To California



Michael Wycoff - Looking Up To You



Lonnie Hill - Galveston Bay

Sportsday

Brits in medal haul at Para-Cycling World Road Championships.

Ten medals for the GB Deaflympics team in Taipei.

Victory for Brits in the overall ISAF series.

GB top the medal table in the Judo World Cup

Team Silver for Brits in European Dressage Championships, and individual Bronze.

Nick Dempsey, World Windsurfing Champion.

The things they say ...

Hubby's on the Wii playing table tennis against 'Dave'. "Funny," he says, "how there's always a 'Dave'."

"Looks more like a girl," pipes up Matt.

"Maybe it's Davina, " I quipped.

Matt rolls his eyes. "No - o, mum."

It struck us why him and The Hobbit take us seriously when we joke, but ask them to do something important and then they laugh. Still, with a bit of luck The Hobbit will be married off soon - he came home the other night with "Brad Loves Lauren" scrawled across his face in black ink. Shall I warn her? Nah, - don't want to scare her off, do I!

X-Factor Performances of the Night

Nicole Lawrence - club singer? Was going well with Take A Little Piece of My Heart until Simon stopped her, than began with an Ooh la la la la on If I Ain't Got You - surely they should be looking primarily for people who can actually sing? The vocal coach should take care of the rest (think Jodie on I'd Do Anything!)



And Dominic, again the doubts - but I felt he should've gone through two years ago - when you think of the one they put through who simply couldn't cut it live ...

3BT: Scene's We'd Like To See ...

... rejected first lines of great poems:

'Is there anybody there?' said the Traveller
'only, I can do you a nice new driveway - block paving - for under two grand.'

My heart aches and drowsy numbness pains;
remind me not to mix the vodka redbulls with the depth charges.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
It'll look fetching with me yellow knickers
Unless I remember the Tena Lady.

There simply aren't enough hours!

Especially when you're back to running The Hobbit everywhere again, because he can't get his lazy aris out of bed! The car is playing up and he started college, which wouldn't be so bad but then it's - oh, I need to pick something up from school first - and oh, work have called, they've got some extra hours for me. Still a lot cheaper than uni, I guess, so shouldn't complain - at least he's not bumming around the streets.

BUT, it has seriously cut down my writing time today and I had a ton of things I was going to address - it's now 1.30 and I've only just logged on, apart from a quick scan of my emails this morning.

So far from bringing another sports report (see, I'm trying to do it more often) I'm going to concentrate of just one major British sporting superstar that most of the country will probably never know of - he should be top of the list (that I will shortly be compiling) for Sports Personality of the Year. It is, of course, World Champion Triathlete Alistair Brownlee, who won the Grand Final this weekend in Australia, having won an incredible four out of the seven events en route to the overall title.

His younger brother Jonathan was runner up in the Junior Men's competition, and in the Women's U-23 Hollie Avil won with fellow Brits Jodie Stimpson and Vicky Holland finishing second and fourth respectively. Reigning Ladies champion, Helen Fielding secured a bronze, which saw her up to fifth overall this year. So, when anyone starts to moan about British sport, stun them with your knowledge of our triathletes, all of whom appear set to peak at London in 2012!

X-Factor Performances of the Night

The running commentary is updated on my Unreality TV blog and should appear over there <<<<<< some time soon. These were my top two: Shanna and Olly.

Hint: Little Things

Out of the stillness came the sounds, creeping ever closer: Clickety click. Clickety click. Buzz. Hiss. Until darkness descends; a blessed relief.



NB: For those unfamiliar with Hint fiction, here's a link to explain!

3BT: George Benson and Friends

with Carlos Santana - Breezin'



Is there anyone NOT in this one! Night In Tunisia



With Minnie Ripperton - sorry about the distracting numbers - but you don't need to watch, just listen ...Misty

Josephine Bonaparte's Journal, April 1796: Draft letter to her husband

Bonjour, my darling 'usband,

Remember me, do you? 'ere I was, awaiting your pleasure, when zey inform me that you 'ave sodded off to Italy and 'might be some time'!

When you said "Not tonight, Josephine" on our wedding night, I assumed ze old trouble was playin' up again after ze wedding breakfast - you really should see a doctor about your leetle problem - especially when we are out of air freshener; zen you fail to turn up again and I give you ze benefit of ze doubt, that you were tired from ze celebrations and we'd be at it like rabbits during an apocalypse tonight instead. But no, apparently you prefer to see the sights of Vienna; Malta; Egypt - I' 'ave some pretty fine mountains myself, monsieur, let me tell you - and why could I not have come, zat would 'ave been one 'ell of an 'oneymoon?

You just better bring me back somezing nice and keep your promise to make me an Empress, monsieur, or else.

Your loving wife,
Josephine xxxmwah mwahxxx

Sportsday

Cycling - Steve Peat wins World Downhill Mountain Bike title; Rebecca James wins two world titles and takes a silver in the World Junior Champs.

Bradley Smith picked up a podium place in the 125cc race, coming home third, after the two leading riders fell off on the final lap - then proceeded to play handbags at seven paces with each other ... well, we won't dwell on that - they're not ours!

Boxing - John Simpson retains his Commonwealth Featherweight title; Lucy Shuker wins the womens doubles at the Swiss Wheechair Tennis Open; Para- Dressage titles for Brit paralympians as they top the medal board; Medals for Paralympic Archers Dani Brown, Mel Clarke and Fred Stevens; European Bronze for the Women's Wheelchair Basketball;

Hockey - Britain's men claim victory over World and Olympic champions Germany to take the title in the inaugural EuroHockey Nations championship - and the womens team took bronze!

Rowing World Championships: A gold and four silvers, followed by silver and bronze on the final day to add to the two golds from Tom Aggar and the Mixed Coxed Four;

Sailing - Goodison defend Euro title; World Silver in the 470 class for Patience and Bithell; Euro Silver for Brotherton and Asquith in the 49ers.

X-Factor Performances of the Night

Lucie Jones - lovely tone



and Jade Fubara - effortless, reminded me of gospel

The things they say: Matt's Fishy Wishes

Meet the latest members of our family - Ayrton (the little silvery one) and Nigel - all being well, they'll be joined by Damon next week. Matt's ecstatic to be a 'daddy', which I'm not sure I shouldn't be a bit worried about?!

I was hit with twenty questions on the way to the pet shop, as he didn't trust me to get anything right: How big is the tank? How much does it hold? How often do you feed them? Which team do you like best, AC Milan or Inter Milan? Eh? What? Oh, I dunno, do I - neither.

"You have to choose!"

"Oh, right - er, AC."

"Oh, good, me too."

He doesn't stop talking you see, so the topics tend to jump about a bit!

3BT: Awesome Water Sports Shorts

Hilary Lister became the first female quadriplegic to sail solo around Britain; 17 year old Mike Parham is the youngest person to sail around the world single handed with assistance - I know, I couldn't undertand that either; it just means that he had to port occasionally for repairs and such like, but it was just him on the actual boat! And some of the bravest or maddest, depending on your viewpoint took part in the Bog Snorkelling World Championships!