Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

3BT: The things they say ...

What I (Matt, age 12, now not-so-littlun) wanted for my birthday:

1. A puppy. It's a given, isn't it, they always want a puppy. They've no interest in scooping the poop or walking in the dark early mornings, but still they want one.

2. A baby *eek* His friend across the road became an uncle recently and we've been able to rib him mercilessly about the cooing and the sheer awe in which he holds baby Evie. When he's holding her; it's worn off a bit now.

3. An alien. He watched Paul. 'Nuff said.

(Thankfully, he settled for an iPod)

The things they say ...

Sadly, we were watching Eastenders (Matt, for some inexplicable reason, is a fan) and Stacey tells baby Lily that she's the most important thing that's ever happened to her; Matt pipes up: "What's the most important thing that's ever happened to you?"

So I say (naturally): "Why, having you and your brother, of course!"

And he replies: "Well, no - you being born is the most important otherwise you couldn't have had us!

The things they say ...

Matt was feeling a little poorly the other day, so along we went to the local surgery. He nudged me once there and said, pointing to the electronic notice board: "He's gonna be a lot later than that, mum, don't they know he's stuck in a box?"

The things they say ...

I bought a new air freshener for the car. And the one I bought was red, to match the car, because I'm very sad like that. But it was called 'Passion' and promised an exotic aroma, musky, enticing.

Matt opened the door this morning and said: "Phew, smells like my old nursery ..."

Unfortunately, I have to agree - I may as well have hung a kitchen wipe off the mirror.

The things they say ...

We were discussing how some unemployed people may have to resort to that soul-destroying art of telemarketing, you know, the cold-calling, straight out of telephone book to make double-glazing appointments (been there, done that, lived to tell the tale, managed one appointment in four weeks) and Matt pipes up:

"But selling tellys can get you loads of money, they must be able to get at least £300 for each one ..."

The things they say ...

A couple of weeks ago, Matt complained that his Friday fish school dinner, whilst very nice, didn't have enough chips. After special coaching from dad, he proudly announced that he followed the advice and told the dinner lady:

"Come on, don't be shy, load some more on."

"Eh?"

"Please may I have some more?"

"Erm ..."

"Can I have some more?"

"More?"

"O.M.G, don't worry about it. Hopefully I'll get me pudding a bit quicker ..."

He reckons even the Head Teacher was laughing, luckily.

The things they say ...

In the car, on the way home from school, Matt says:

"We're holding the funeral for the teacher's monkey on Friday."

Oh! Really - the teacher's monkey?

"Yes. It's a big chocolate one she got for Christmas and it's going to be eaten on Friday. She's going to chop the head off and pour contented milk in it ..."

I'll be honest, it took me a minute...

The things they say ... or, how to make you feel old!

As usual, there's a question and answer session on the way home from school.

"Mum, tell me the names of two Man Utd captains."

"Er, Bryan Robson?"

"Someone I might know."

"Peter Schmeichel?"

*Tuts* "I said, someone in the modern era ..."

'Scuse me while I just pull over and park me zimmer frame.

The things they say ...

Grandad was telling Matt not to wrestle.

"You'll get cauliflower ears."

"Will I get broccoli eyes and a carrot nose too?"

Why Babies Have Mothers ...

The things they say ...

... I'm dropping Matt off at a friend's birthday party and I gave him the piece of paper with the address on it.

He reads it out as we set off and then says: "Your hand writing's shocking. You wouldn't get a pen licence if you went to my school!"

Ah, that's why we adults use computers!

The things they say ...

Matt caught a daddy-long-legs - by one leg ...

"Be careful," I said, "you'll pull it off, they're very fragile."

"It's a well known fact," he replies, like there was incontrovertible proof. "They never take their boots off."

????

The things they say ...

Hubby's on the Wii playing table tennis against 'Dave'. "Funny," he says, "how there's always a 'Dave'."

"Looks more like a girl," pipes up Matt.

"Maybe it's Davina, " I quipped.

Matt rolls his eyes. "No - o, mum."

It struck us why him and The Hobbit take us seriously when we joke, but ask them to do something important and then they laugh. Still, with a bit of luck The Hobbit will be married off soon - he came home the other night with "Brad Loves Lauren" scrawled across his face in black ink. Shall I warn her? Nah, - don't want to scare her off, do I!

There simply aren't enough hours!

Especially when you're back to running The Hobbit everywhere again, because he can't get his lazy aris out of bed! The car is playing up and he started college, which wouldn't be so bad but then it's - oh, I need to pick something up from school first - and oh, work have called, they've got some extra hours for me. Still a lot cheaper than uni, I guess, so shouldn't complain - at least he's not bumming around the streets.

BUT, it has seriously cut down my writing time today and I had a ton of things I was going to address - it's now 1.30 and I've only just logged on, apart from a quick scan of my emails this morning.

So far from bringing another sports report (see, I'm trying to do it more often) I'm going to concentrate of just one major British sporting superstar that most of the country will probably never know of - he should be top of the list (that I will shortly be compiling) for Sports Personality of the Year. It is, of course, World Champion Triathlete Alistair Brownlee, who won the Grand Final this weekend in Australia, having won an incredible four out of the seven events en route to the overall title.

His younger brother Jonathan was runner up in the Junior Men's competition, and in the Women's U-23 Hollie Avil won with fellow Brits Jodie Stimpson and Vicky Holland finishing second and fourth respectively. Reigning Ladies champion, Helen Fielding secured a bronze, which saw her up to fifth overall this year. So, when anyone starts to moan about British sport, stun them with your knowledge of our triathletes, all of whom appear set to peak at London in 2012!

The things they say: Matt's Fishy Wishes

Meet the latest members of our family - Ayrton (the little silvery one) and Nigel - all being well, they'll be joined by Damon next week. Matt's ecstatic to be a 'daddy', which I'm not sure I shouldn't be a bit worried about?!

I was hit with twenty questions on the way to the pet shop, as he didn't trust me to get anything right: How big is the tank? How much does it hold? How often do you feed them? Which team do you like best, AC Milan or Inter Milan? Eh? What? Oh, I dunno, do I - neither.

"You have to choose!"

"Oh, right - er, AC."

"Oh, good, me too."

He doesn't stop talking you see, so the topics tend to jump about a bit!

The things they say ...

I'm going to have to ban Matt from watching telly - he's far too influenced by the adverts. How do I know this? We're walking along the high street, it's boiling hot and he says:

"I'm so hot I could keep fish alive under my armpits. Here, feel."

Er, thanks for the offer, but no. (And he keeps nicking his brother's "Line-X")

3BT: Holiday Fun

The amazing maize maze: Before we went, Matt told The Hobbit: "It's a bit like the Harry Potter maze. But without the death stuff. And the cup. And the magic."

I taught Matt how to play a torpedo game in the amusement arcade. Me, the expert - I won 4 tickets, he won 126.

We invented a new game 'Squennis'. In the astroturf playbarn, the five a side goals were put in the middle and the tennis balls were allowed off the wall, posts, crossbar, anywhere. I'm still quite bruised, actually.